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Jon Stewart Quotes

18 quotations by Jon Stewart

QuoteYou just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.Quote

QuoteWe have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.Quote

QuoteThere is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is.Quote

QuoteThere are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!Quote

QuotePresident Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.Quote

QuoteMore than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.Quote

QuoteInsomnia is my greatest inspiration.Quote

QuoteIf the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.Quote

QuoteI've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.Quote

QuoteI've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.Quote

QuoteI'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.Quote

QuoteI'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.Quote

QuoteI was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.Quote

QuoteI heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'Quote

QuoteI celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.Quote

QuoteI can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.Quote

QuoteHere's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?Quote

QuoteAhh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.Quote