Jay Leno Quotes
23 quotations by Jay Leno
 | You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. |  |
| You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch. | |
| You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. | |
| Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. | |
| Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! | |
| The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. | |
| The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. | |
| The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. | |
| The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. | |
| The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. | |
| The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up. | |
| Politics is just show business for ugly people. | |
| Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments. | |
| If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. | |
| If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. | |
| If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. | |
| I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. | |
| Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? | |
| Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. | |
| Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. | |
| CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it. | |
| Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution. | |
| According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it. | |