The Cottage (2008)

Forced into hiding after their kidnapping plan goes awry, two rival siblings, David (Andy Serkis - The Lord of the Rings trilogy) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith - Shaun of the Dead), find themselves fighting for their sanity while they hole up in a secluded country cottage. Weighed down by a hostage who refuses to stay quiet, or tied down, they are soon held captive by their own victim.

But everyone's problems go from bad to worse when they come face-to-face with their psychotic axe-wielding neighbor - a demented farmer with a dark, nasty secret buried where you'd least expect. Product Description

It's like 'Snatch' meets 'Friday the 13th'

THE COTTAGE is a horror/comedy film about a kidnapping gone wrong in more ways than one. Two brothers David (Andy Serkis of LORD OF THE RINGS) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) kidnap a woman named Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) who is the daughter of a crime boss. The brothers hold Tracey for ransom in a house in the middle of the woods. The kidnapping goes awry when Tracey breaks free and turns the tables, taking the more vulnerable of the two brothers, Peter, hostage. Meanwhile two of Tracey's father's goons are tracking them down. Eventually Tracey, with Peter as her hostage, goes out into the woods looking for help and stumbles across an abandoned home. Or so they thought. It turns out that the home is inhabited by a deranged (and deformed) killer who looks like Jason Voorhees from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (minus the pillow case). And of course David, the tougher and calmer of the two brothers, eventually seeks out Peter only to come face to face (or lack thereof) with the crazed killer.

THE COTTAGE is one of those movies you find where you expecting something and get not only something different but something GOOD. The DVD cover makes the film look like your run of the mill Slasher flick. Come to find out that this movie is a hilarious film with great characters. THE COTTAGE, in my opinion, is like the SHAUN OF THE DEAD crew making a FRIDAY THE 13TH film with a couple of the over the top and hilarious characters from Guy Ritchie's SNATCH. While THE COTTAGE is not necessarily on the level of SNATCH or FRIDAY THE 13TH, those films are the first ones that came to mind while watching this.

As far as the characters you have the kidnapee Tracey who is a drop dead gorgeous woman with blonde hair and is, uh.... well endowed. When she first appears in the film she is tied up and gagged and judging from her appearance I thought to myself "Oh great, here we go. Another pretty face who can't act". However when she is allowed to speak by her captors, what comes out of her mouth is absolutely hilarious. She's a lot tougher than she looks, cusses like a sailor, and has a strong Cockney accent. Tracey was my favorite character in the film along with Peter, one of the kidnappers. David is, for the lack of a better term, a wuss. He's a pushover, gets beaten up by Tracey, is constantly scared, has a bad combover and is absolutely terrified of Moths. I could watch an entire film with those two characters alone. When Tracey and Peter are going through the woods and eventually set foot into the killer's house, it was pure comedy. They have great chemistry together and the constant bickering between the two was entertaining.

The film doesn't really turn into a straight up Horror film until about the fifty minute mark when the killer appears. I won't ruin the film and say who gets the ax, so to speak, but even though you KNOW that the killer is eventually coming and will make an appearance (it says so on the back of the DVD box) it is still somewhat disappointing when he does. It was disappointing, to me anyway, because the characters are so funny and likable and great to watch, that when they face the killer you don't want any of them to die. And as a horror fan I admit that the third act of the film which is essentially the "horror" part of the movie isn't that great. Maybe because it just happens so suddenly. The film gives you clues as to the killer's motivations but there's no real back story for you to go off of.

With that being said, I gave the film a four star rating because even with its bad parts it's still entertaining as hell and a lot better than most of the crap that gets put out. The first and second acts were awesome and the third act is still pretty good but could've been better. This is definitely a movie worth buying and watching REPEATEDLY.

EXTRAS: About four minutes worth of a gag reel and a bunch of deleted scenes. I was hoping for some commentary or behind the scenes footage. Nothing too great about the Special Features on this one for all you Special Features junkies out there like myself. October 10, 2008

Some folks are just not cut out for a life of crime

and poor ol' Peter (Reece Shearsmith) is one of them. The guts of the story is a kidnapping gone terribly, terribly wrong. Or very, very funny, depending on which side of the screen you happen to be on. The brothers, David (Andy Serkis) and the reluctant Peter have kidnapped the step-daughter of a rich mafia type. Under normal circumstances you'd think she would be more than a tad upset. Instead she's totally ticked off and not afraid of anything, including her captors. Jennifer Ellison plays the -- I was going to say 'victim', but quite honestly, anyone in her sphere of influence is the victim, not her. While I do recommend this movie, obviously from the 4 stars I gave it, be aware the girl does have a mouth on her, meaning a LOT of foul language. She uses at least one word constantly that I am personally uncomfortable with, but at the same time she's cracking me up.

To start with, the kidnapping is about the only thing they do half-way right. From then on it's a disaster. The brothers, both, are fine actors and get into their characters in such a way they are totally believable. The kidnapee, Tracy, also is a winner. Without giving away the plot, we manage to go from a crime comedy to a...really strange twist in that it turns into a horror movie.

SPOILER ALERT: The only fault I found in the movie was the ending. I really hated it. There were so many directions in which it could have gone, that would have been so much better. Other than that, what a great freakin' movie!


September 22, 2008

I really wanted to like this+

I read the reviews of this movie, and as a big fan of British comedy, I thought I was going to really like it. I added it to my Netflicks list and just gott it last week. All I can say is that I'm really glad I only rented it.
It started out great! David and Peter kind-a reminded me of Del Boy and Rodney from Only Fools and Horses. Then, their kidnap victom came on came on the scene. Long story short, the profanity just got too much, and I simply couldn't finish watching this. I made it to the point where Tracy and Peter found the trapdoor, and that was all I could handle. I really wanted to like this, but its going back to Netflicks tomorrow. If the language doesn't bother you, though, I'm sure you'll enjoy this. September 15, 2008

I'd recommend it, if anything, for the fact that Jennifer Ellison is hot as balls.

This movie I thought was advertised incorrectly. It's more british Crime/Comedy than it is horror.

Aside from the fact that I got something WAY different than I expected, It turned out to be a decent mindless flick.

I'd recommend it, if anything, for the fact that Jennifer Ellison is hot as balls.

6/10 September 8, 2008

SURPRISINGLY GOOD LITTLE HORROR FILM

Andy Serkis, best know for providing the voice and motion capture for Gollum in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, gets some face time in the lead role in The Cottage, a twisted black comedy/slasher film coming to DVD on May 13. Serkis and Reece Shearsmith play feuding brothers David and Peter who have kidnapped the daughter of a strip club owner. They've taken their hostage Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) out to a remote cottage and from there, everything that can go wrong does. Tracey doesn't make things easy on her witless captors...she's loud, foulmouthed, and frankly scares the hell out of timid Peter.

Complicating matters is their befuddled accomplice and Tracey's half brother Andrew, who has led the boss's hitmen straight to the trio. The three and their hostage soon find themselves on the run through the wilderness, taking refuge at nearby farmhouse. Things go from bad to worse as they soon find out the farm is home to an ax-wielding cannibal who has just sharpened all his farm tools for his next meal.

The Cottage is a surprisingly fun little film. While it is thrilling and filled with generous amounts of blood and gore, a requisite for any good slasher film, it never lets it's comedy elements stray too far away. Horror comedies often turn out as campy spoofs but this is anything but campy. The shock elements and the kills made by the enormous, disfigured killer are just as terrifying as in any horror film but director Paul Andrew Williams cleverly manages to sneak in droll bits of humor when you least expect it. Ellison is a riot as the buxom, mouthy hostage, who is more than a match for her captors. Her four-letter tirades allow her to steal just about any scene where she is not gagged.

Serkis, who has lent his name to various film and video game projects, finally gets to shine in a starring role in front of the camera. As David he projects a pretense of the tough guy mastermind but with a genuine love for his hen-pecked brother. He shows a range far beyond just doing voice-over roles. Shearsmith is equally enjoyable as nervous and whiny Peter, always giving into his brother but eventually proving that he is strong and resourceful. Their scenes together early in the film as they argue over things from their childhood are some of the best in the film. It's almost a shame when the caper film turns into the horror film. If there is a weakness it is that the film does take a bit of time to develop and move itself along to the horror portion of the film.

The Cottage is clever and doesn't take itself too seriously although horror fans won't be disappointed. The slasher elements are better than you see in a lot of low budget films and frankly better than those in some big budget horrors. This is one of those unknown gems that will surprise you!
August 22, 2008

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