Southland Tales (2006)

GARBAGE. Please watch anything except this movie!

I bought this as a used DVD for $5. That was $5 too much for this piece of garbage. This movie is inane. The script would have been infinitely better if words were chosen at random from the dictionary.

Please be very careful of anyone who rates this higher than 1 star. They need to be drug tested.

Have you ever watched a movie and it reminded you of 2 or 3 other movies? This movie falls into that category. This movie reminded me of at least 20 other movies. The Top 3 being "A Clockwork Orange", "The Magic Christian" and "Timecop." Those three movies are infinitely better than this movie. Please watch those movies if you want to watch a good movie.

One of the posted reviews compares this movie to "Brazil." That is an insult to "Brazil." Other reviewers said it contains great symbolism. Great symbolism does NOT mean a great movie. This movie is proof of that. Technically speaking, a 90 minute montage of swastikas is great symbolism too, but I do not want to watch that either. If you want truly great symbolism, please watch Pink Floyd's movie "The Wall."

Justin Timberlake is in this movie. I am so sick of seeing him in movies. I refuse to see any future movies in which he is a cast member. It is a shame that Heath Ledger passed away and Justin Timberlake is still with us.

This movie had one redeeming scene that prevented me from tossing out the DVD. That is the scene where Cheri Oteri beats up an arms dealer. I LOVED that scene. I am a big fan of Cheri Oteri. I will always look forward to seeing her in a movie.

I also expected much better from Dwayne Johnson. This is the only movie of his that has disappointed me.

I flat out refuse to watch any movies from the guy who directed this phenominal waste of money. Hollywood should get together and throw this guy out of Hollywood.

Unless you enjoy wasting time that you can never recover, please avoid this DVD. Treat it as if it were toxic to the touch. You will be much better off. July 19, 2008

Great Movie with a ton of symbolism...

While I won't spend an hour explaining this movie, I'll be short and to the point. While it was very hard to understand the movie, many people hate it because they don't understand it.

This movie has so much hidden meaning that watching it the second time around I began to pick up on so many things. Everything about it was amazing.

I suggest reading the analysis off [...]

It explains everything to you in detail that you might've not caught on to.

July 14, 2008

Richard Kelly Masterfully Illustrates The Apocalyptic Impact.......of the Sophomore Slump

Richard Kelly's Donnie Darko may very well be my favorite film of all time. The narrative tells a poignant story that keeps you guessing the entire time, creative a really interactive experience. However, the thing that was great about "Darko" was the fact that the plot made sense and had an internal logic that followed it. And I quite simply love that movie with a burning passion. So when Richard Kelly's second major movie was released, I bought it on the day it came out. It took me a while to review it, because I wanted to digest it, see if I was missing some key point to the movie was would suddenly reveal that this two hour and twenty minute apocalyptic epic wasn't pure, unafraid non-sense. Well, if anyone finds that key point, let me know, because this movie is just that. Non-sense.

It's a bloated and convoluted narrative that will not make sense even after repeated watches. Even Justin Timberlake's voice-overs during tedious and frankly unnecessary expository scenes don't help. The acting, at least, is good, but that is a moot point as well because we aren't given the chance to care about these characters, because our brains are too busy reeling from the "WTF is going on" factor. The movie has some intrigue when Boxer Santaros (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) researches the role of a character in a screenplay he wrote by tagging along with Roland Taverner (Seann William Scott), but that quickly evaporates when you realize that this movie is basically just scenes. Aesthetically pleasing and well-shot scenes, but scenes that register no emotions and tell no story and aim for nothing other than to boggle your mind, and be pretentious while doing it. There are moments of what feels like poignancy, but it's achieved in a very false and underhanded way. Through music and scenes that on their own, in absolutely no context would evoke base emotion, Kelly tries to force these moments onto us, but to anyone who has seen this movie more than once, even those moments ring false.

In the end, "Southland Tales" is trying to say so much (in the most convoluted way possible, mind) that nothing registers and it ends up saying absolutely nothing. At least it was pretty to look at. But the movie, instead of leaving you with any bit of satisfaction, will leave you with a blank expression, wondering aloud what the hell you just watched.

I think this movie may have simply been an excuse to show two cars having sex and to have the "Pimps don't commit suicide" line.

3/10 July 8, 2008

This decades' "Brazil"

Also easily the best film of the decade. 20,000 stars. Richard Kelly takes some second string stars and makes them palatable. Total Information Awareness. Fascist fun. Drugs, resistance, time travel, anarchy, this is so ambitious I don't care if it hits the mark, this is an unparalleled sketch of this modern world. June 21, 2008

An original auteur

What could one add to the maelstrum of criticism already listed in these other reviews? All I have to say is that ST is one of the most original films to make it to celluloid in the past few years. No, its not Donnie Darko II - there will be no "Paint A Starry Night again man!" Kudos to a director who takes it for granted that I have a brain and the ability to use it. Is ST a comedy? Social or political commentary? Religious allegory? Semi-surreal Sci-Fi flick? Try all of the above. Tired of spoon-fed Hollywood pap? Ready for a flick that does other things than go "boom" or make like second-rate Jane Austin? Try Southland Tales and go with the flow...you might even like it. June 20, 2008

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