Dragon Wars - D-War (2007)

Ridiculous

Ok, I LOVE dragons. My all time favorite dragon movie is, of course, Dragonslayer. SO, naturally I saw this and thought "Oh neat-o a new dragon movie!" What a monumentally ridiculous waste of time. The only thing that redeemed the hour and half that i wasted watching this was the appearance of the classic Asian dragon in the last few frames.
The story was interesting and had SO much potential....but fell totally flat. What a disappointment. August 23, 2008

This is.... well, something, that's for sure.

This movie was so bad it almost made me ask for my money back. I can't explain why I love it, though. It wasn't Godzilla bad, not even Gamera bad. It was just plain, out and out, bad. There were rocket launcher toting slugs and acting so painful I needed an aspirin. But, it was fun.
My friend and I were alone in the theater so we made fun of it at every turn. From LOLDragons ('It eats me!' and 'I'm in your city, eating your reincarnated virgins!') to pop culture to inside jokes, we made fun of this movie and had a wonderful time. (At one point we broke out into Fett's Vett by M.C. Chris. It just seemed to fit.)
Watching the movie a second time just wasn't as funny. But the first time was such fun, we didn't even ask for our money back. We're waiting to pick up a copy so we can inflict this pain upon a new audience, an audience which needs punished but not killed. D-Wars should do the trick. August 18, 2008

So bad I'm Speechless

I can't even imagine how to put how bad this movie is into words. I'll try. Let me start by saying that I never saw it coming. The trailer looked good enough. The movie started out ok, with a little too long intro/back story with some interesting CG work that was obviously made to spoof the old Japanese monster movies (or the Power Rangers for you kiddos reading this review). After that, things went downhill... and fast. There was so little effort made to connect you to the present day hero/heroine that you never cared about whether they ever lived or died. Even my kids agreed. The CG dragons, even the little ones, were all made realistically enough. But that in no way makes up for how awful the storyline was. Some are saying to watch this movie for the CG dragons. Please trust me that it is totally NOT worth it. If you must, rent it, skip to the last battle scene, watch that and that alone, and save yourself any effort to painfully sit through this thing.

End of my review

Now, for the play by play. You by no means have to read this as it contains some big spoilers, but here goes...

My emotions throughout this movie were: 1)Initial curiosity 2)Wait for the story 3)still waiting 4)Present day comes and... Initial fears that this is all the story we're getting 5)What the heck was that? Was that supposed to be a fight scene outside the bar? Oh, please don't tell me this is the indicator of the level of action sequences we're going to get 6)Camera man friend of the reporter makes a couple of deadpan remarks that make me think there may be some redeeming value to the movie coming up at some point 7)stomach drops as I realize suddenly that there will be no redeeming value to this movie 8)my face melts off from the anguish boiling up inside me 9)confusion sets in... and again... and again... and again... 10)Please let the main characters just die so this movie will end now 11)YES THEY DIED! 12)Yes, I knew they couldn't have possibly died, but I was sure hoping. Ok, I've made it this far, I can watch this ending action sequence 12)Hey, cool battle... except why suddenly does this cave look like it is outside? oh, wait, the dragons look the same. Which one is which? What is going on? Wha... 13)It's over. Whatever. Let me just turn it off and grab something for the indigestion I now have.
August 6, 2008

D-War (the D is for Dilapidated)

The Good Things
*Good special effects. Lots of great battles with lots of mass destruction.
*Some vivid imagery, especially at the end.
*Good usage of mythology.
*Lots of cool creatures and weapon designs.

The Bad Things
*Everything else! The plot is kind of odd, the characters are incredibly bad, and the writing is bad.

The Questionable Things
*Some laughable scenes; can be good or bad.

This can be seen either as a really bad blockbuster or a really good B-movie. In any case, the story qualities are terrible, and the only good redeeming quality in this movie are the smashing special effects and battles.

The DVD has good image and sound quality, and has a couple of good making-of featurettes. August 1, 2008

A HILARIOUS PUT-ON OR THE WORST MOVIE EVER? EITHER WAY, A BAD MOVIE WE LOVE MUST-SEE!

When the folks behind DRAGON WARS decide to sic that giant snake and those prehistoric dino-birds on downtown L.A., the movie becomes enormously watchable. Until then, there's nothing to indicate that anybody involved with this unintentionally hysterical fantasy knows what the hell they are doing. Funnier when it tries to be serious, this one's for connoisseurs of the Bad Movies We Love. (And you know who you are.)

With its competent creature effects and even an homage to THE PHANTOM MENACE, (Of all things), you'll roar with glee over writer-director Shim Hyung-rae's insanely convoluted plot about how every 500 years, a girl is born who, at the age of 20, will grow - for lack of a better term - a giant glass energy ball inside of her, which must then be cut out -- killing the girl, mind you! -- and offered as a sacrifice to either the "good" Imoogi or the evil Buraka, two giant serpents who will transform into dragons if they eat said magic ball. To explain all this, we have Robert Forster as the reincarnation of an ancient Korean warlord, and some truly fashion - and acting - impaired leads in Amanda Brooks and Jason Behr. The latter plays a reporter who rather hilariously leaves his black friend behind to get killed in almost every perilous situation.

In the opening minutes, a narrator explains that 500 years ago a girl was born who can turn a serpent into a dragon. The first girl, a Korean lass in the 16th century, has been reincarnated as a dull Southern Californian named Sarah (Brooks). The snake and some crypto-medieval army are after her; yet, as befits some certain pretty L.A. girls, she's clueless. Her dreams of doom get her institutionalized, but a young reporter named Ethan (Behr) - reincarnated himself, maybe from the 16th-century Korean Tom Cruise - knows what's up and tries to keep her alive.

Beachfront make-outs and mysterious clothes changes ensue.

The computer-generated birds breathe fire on people. The helicopters empty round after round on the relentless snake. The snake lunges at cars and slings them 200 feet. The cameras whoosh between skyscrapers and plummet with burning helicopters and dying birds. (The sequence with Behr and Brooks caressing on a rooftop while bullet casings rain down on them is truly special and should have director Michael Bay writhing with envy.)

Shim was obviously going for an adventure with a GODZILLA-like feel, but the camp panic and mock seriousness undermine his efforts at every turn. And some of the dialogue suggests a John Hughes version of THE LORD OF THE RINGS: "The fate of the world rests on your shoulders," says wise old Robert Forster to Jason Behr. "Deny this. And you will deny yourself everything. Even the girl."

Hoo-boy! Cue the Psychedelic Furs and batten the hatches. July 27, 2008

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