Hatchet (2006)

2 ½ Stars: A NOT-SO Slasher STAR is Born!

No other film has received such mixed reviews more than "HATCHET" among my amazon friends. Most of them, hated this film, while lately, it has began to achieve a minor cult following. "Hatchet" is the type of film that definitely depends on what you are looking for in a movie experience. I think a film requires somewhat of an acquired taste, but one thing, I have to say it is a homage to the 80's "slasher" flicks and NOT to be taken seriously.

Mardi Gras, New Orleans: two friends, Marcus (Deon Richmond) and Ben (Joel David Moore) are gallivanting around the town, drinking and scoping out the sights (I mean half naked women). Ben becomes insistent on taking a haunted swamp tour. They come across a pretty but moody young local woman named Marybeth (Tamara Feldman) who is actually looking for her father and her brother who had disappeared in this same swamp some nights ago. When the boat hit's a boulder and sinks, the group is forced to walk back to the city. Little do they know that a monstrous killer called Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) is hot on their trail and they must fight their way to survive.

Adam Green's low-budget is an attempt to return to the days of Jason, Madman, Leatherface, Freddy Krueger because it is well-known that iconic killers can make such a low-budget film shine. There are two ways to approach this film. Take it as a humorous venture into the world of slasher flicks, much like you should see "Eight Legged Freaks" and ignore whatever faults it has. Another way, is to envision the film as something where there is no ambition in its casting, it follows the same formulaic elements and criticize its measly budget. But the question has to be, did the film present a new successful figure in the books of "slashing" villains?

Well, Victor Crowley is a blend of Jason Voorheese and Freddy Krueger, mixed in with Leatherface and Madman. The film would owe a lot of royalties to other iconic slasher films. Crowley just won't die, no matter how many times you stab him, shoot him or burn him. Crowley just keeps on going and revels on the murder that he has been doing. I would like to see him take on Jason. "Victor vs. Jason" anyone? (oh no, did I just pitch an idea?)

The film doesn't bring anything new to the horror genre and has a very "exaggerated" execution and it does it intentionally. Director/writer Adam Green knew that he had to make fun of his own creation. The characters are a vacationing couple, two friends looking for a good time, a couple of air headed bimbos, a pervert and a young woman on a mission led by an Asian man. The characters themselves seemed very unlikable, and Green meant it to be this way. The script is too hollow and the dialogue can get laughable if you don't see that it was meant to be this way. "Janey's got a gun", a statue masturbating, and the quippy attempts at humor by Deon Richmond and Perry Chen can either be annoying or amusing. The proceedings do seem pointless a lot of times.

Now, the film does have some inventive "kill" sequences. The blood and gore are done "old-school" way; no CGI or special effects--the film utilizes the use of prosthetics and a lot of gooey red ink. Japanese splatter horror elements are sometimes used on some scenes to again make fun of itself. Turning one's head 180 degrees or ripping the arms out of their sockets may not be original but it is fun to watch. Yes, if you are looking for an abundance of blood and gore, then this film will satisfy--just don't think it will be horrifying, it will for the most part, feel a little comedic.

"Hatchet" is a actually more a cheesy attempt on comedy than a horror film. I do accept the fact that the film is making fun of itself, but the characters are just plain bad that they're bad. I do try to see it as a homage and all, but I just can't say for sure just what the filmmakers wanted to do. It's not really funny, but funny in a way that it is silly. It isn't scary, the gore effects while well-done doesn`t feel unnerving. To its credit, I did laugh out loud at some scenes and the film does have a good amount of nudity. Kane Hodder is both amusing and imposing as the killer. I do think Adam Green probably loved his slasher flicks so much that he wanted to relive them. I'm not exactly sure what Green expected from his viewers.

Does it feel like I'm confused? I am. Maybe that is what Adam Green wanted, a audience full of mixed reactions, as a result of his mixed direction. I'll take "JASON X" over this.
RENTAL [2 ½ Stars]
For contrasting opinions on the film, please check out D.Wilson, E K Maxmias and Dave K.'s excellent reviews.



October 9, 2008

Defining Why We like Slasher Films; IT'S THE GORE STUPID!!!

Happy Halloween everyone!! If you haven't heard by now, "Hatchet" is Adam Green's homage to the 1980s Slasher genre; but not just your everyday, psychopath on the loose Slasher. This pays homage to the Slasher Immortals: Jason, Michael, Candy Man, Freddy... ...you know; the guys who never die. As a rule, I hate these characters. They become predictable and tiresome because no matter what you do to them, they'll come back for more. I make one exception for these guys; their first films. Since "Hatchet" is a "first" film, I'll cut it some slack. Despite my less than enthusiastic tone, I really enjoyed this film. Let's take a deeper look at it...

-THE TONE OF THIS FILM; IT'S USUALLY RED.
If you take Adam Green at his word (why not?), this is suppose to be a serious horror film with funny characters; not a horror comedy. However he chose to rationalize it, it's a horror movie that you can laugh at. I happen to love horror comedies, so he can shove his disclaimer up his "yoo-hoo". Whatever his intensions, there was little about this film you could take too seriously other than the fact people were dying. Don't get me wrong, the terror is real but never are your emotions challenged. I snickered and chortled throughout most of it. That's a good thing in my book.

-LIKE MY RETIREMENT INVESTMENTS, MY EMOTIONAL INVESTMENTS ARE BLEEDING!!
It's a good thing I didn't invest a lot of emotion into these characters. Not that they aren't well developed or acted, because they are. It's because even at their most likable, they are annoying people. The lead character is played by Joel David Moore (why does everyone have 3 names these days?). This guy is a wimpy version of David Schwimmer (is that possible?); so whiny and annoying. He is accompanied by one of his wise cracking buds, played by Deon Richmond; the smartest person in the film but the one nobody listens too. The heroine is played by Tamara Feldman. In case you're wondering, she's the only young lady who does not display her assets in this film. She might be the only one I cared about in the end. The rest of the cast are clichés including a pervert doctor pretending to be a movie producer and his pair of duped and desperate actresses, a retired couple who could be Sarah Palin's parents, and the con-man tour guide whom we can blame for everything. So, as the inevitable body count mounts, I had more sense of anticipation than dread.

-GORDITY; TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER!
For those of you just skimming: Gore + Nudity = Gordity. "Hatchet" has ample and requisite amounts of both. The nudity is what I'd call "requisite" because it's done in the guise of Mardi gras in New Orleans mixed with a faux "Girls Gone Wild" video shoot. It is purposefully gratuitous and comedic but limited to flipping up of the tops. I didn't complain. The Gore was "ample", OFF THE CHARTS and too ludicrous to take seriously; way over the top! This is a rare case where "Unrated" actually has valid meaning. It's almost as if this films sole purpose was to revel in the creative kill. When gas powered belt sanders (WTF?) are involved, then there are no limits in sight. I'm not a gore hound, but this was done in such an over the top and entertaining way that I enjoyed it immensely.

-LET ME RESHOOT THE ENDING. (I won't tell you the ending but Spoilers ensue)
As this story starts out, we are introduced to characters in various states of cheer participating in Mardi gras. Our lovelorn lead wants to forget about women by taking a haunted swamp tour. The events prior to and during this portion are actually entertaining lead-ins to the carnage that follows. Along the way we get to see Robert Englund, Tony Todd (in a very funny little role), and a puking chick. The high jinx portion of the film ends with a goofy musical interlude during a ride on the short-bus; I'm not kidding. As our cast gets lost in the swamp and the carnage ensues, I start to suspect a clever ending coming on. I'm thinking; "If this ends like I think it will, then this film is brilliant!" Well, I outsmarted myself (or the Director). I don't usually think my ideas are great, but this one was a natural. You see, like Freddy and Jason and Michael, Victor (the mutated killer played by "Jason" Kane Hodder) is indestructible on a mortality level; you can't kill the dude. This is the very reason I don't enjoy these films. I thought it would have been really cool if some how, there were 15 of these dudes running around the haunted swamp. That would have been a stunner! But no; it's just one guy who can't be killed. When I realized this, the cleverness of the film withered just a little. I've seen enough bogy-men films. I was hoping for a killer who wasn't superhuman. For me, this was a case of taking homage a step too far. The ending was a big THUD to me.

-THE END?
I'd have to recommend this to slasher fans and gore fans in general. If you don't like horror comedies, then Adam Green made this for you, even though I got a lot of laughs and gruesome giggles out of it. There is little mystery to this film since we are introduced to the killer very early and nothing is hidden. I could forgive this film for rehashing the bogyman theme (which I'm tired of) because it was so witty and entertaining. The annoying characters were well played and the production values were top notch. I wish the story had taken a more creative turn without abandoning its homage theme, but the story as a whole was good enough. The DVD is loaded with good "making of" material and commentary. If they make a sequel with 15 Victors running around the swamps of Louisiana yelling "DAAADDDYYY!!!" then it was my idea. Happy Halloween!!

Story......4 Stars
Acting.....4 Stars
Gordity...4.5 Stars
Ending....2 Stars

Average...3.63 Stars
October 8, 2008

Disgusting...In A Bad Way

I heard a lot of positive things about this film. Some people even called it the "best horror film of the year" and commented that it was bringing 80's style horror back to the present day.

I didn't see that at all.

Hatchet is, at best, a gore flick.

If you are a fan of blood and guts, check this out. I honestly can appreciate a little bit of gore if it is done with a little bit of realism and doesn't delve far into the over-the-top, pointless realm. Hatchet dives right in. Let's face it, this movie had so much gore, I think we should just call it Al Gore.

The first scene involves a man being thrown into a tree, his arm torn off, his intestines pulled out and then his body ripped in half-all the while the poor guy screaming, "IT HURTS!!!" i just found it tacky and disgusting.

There are other scenes where a person's face face is pulled in half by the mouth and you see a wiggling tongue...a guy is literally hacked at for 30 seconds of cringe inducing disgust...another character has there face sanded off with a sand blaster and is left crawling around for a bit while the killer hacks at another victim. The kills are just really gross. I love horror, but I found the blood and guts just WAY too gross for my taste. And I can appreciate gore.

The gore is definetly worth it for those of you who enjoy that...but, for me, it killed the movie.

The plot was confusing. I didn't understand the whole "mutated boy is burned alive in his shack but is still alive hacking people up in the swamp" scenario. I mean, it's been done before with Jason...I get that...but this movie felt less condusive than the Friday series. The origin of the killer here is left more up in the air.

Also, I agree with a couple reviewers that the killer is shown FAR too much. He looks like a redneck Quasi-modo and despite his akward and icky appearance, his features and body makeup looked way too fake for me. He looked like a guy running around in a costume to me trying to be scary.


The acting was horrendous and definetly completely D-list. I did recognize the older lady from an episode of Roseanne and the blonde girl from the show Angel, but that was about it.

Anyways, it's not "smart" horror or anything new...but it should please the gore-hounds.

PS...
The ending blows. October 8, 2008

You'll probably enjoy this film .......... if you fast forward to the kills

What's good about this? The gore is fantastic. The problem with this movie is that it is such a throwback to the 80's, it belongs there. If this film was released 20 years ago, I have no doubt that it would now be referred to as a classic. In 2007, though, this film feels too much like 'we've seen it all before.' The humor soon dries up, the best lines having been used within the first 20 minutes, and we are left with some groan worthy dialogue, which far out ways the few funny lines that are in the rest of the film. And once we've seen one bloody murder, there are no surprises, as all the murders are pretty much the same but very gory.

Crowley himself is shown in his full glory pretty much the first time we meet him, and I couldn't help but feel that if he had been kept in the shadows a bit more he would have been a little scarier. As it is he looks like he has walked off of the set of 'Wrong Turn', a far more imaginative horror movie.

At the same time this film pays homage too many horror classics like many have stated on this site and the ending is a blatant rip off of one of these. I won't say which one, because I don't want to ruin what little surprises this film has.

Yes, I know this isn't supposed to be an intellectually challenging movie, but it is supposed to be fun. Joel Moore is an unlikely leading man and he just isn't the hero type. The rest of the cast aren't given a lot to do, and a couple of the ladies (including Mercedes McNab of 'Angel' fame) are there with no other purpose than to show their female parts and scream to the point you wish they would stop and get on with the film.

Overall there are enough jumps and laughs to keep it going for its extremely short run time (85 mins), but If you are a die hard horror fan, then you will have seen most horrors and will find the nostalgic feel of 'Hatchet' enjoyable, which it is in a mindless way. As for me, I just found the film a bit disappointing but the kills made up most of my grade.
October 1, 2008

Victor Crowley rules!

This movie rocks! Old school horror from the '80s. Fans of Friday the 13th & Nightmare on elm st will love this. Check it out! September 28, 2008

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