House of Wax (2005)

Decent slasher flick!

Didn't really know how this movie was going to pan out, because I knew it was going to be another remake from an older edition. I ended up loving this movie! I didn't think it was anything like the older one.

The storyline was easy to follow & I didn't find it to be too gory. (I don't do scary movies very well). A lot of it was very cliche & you knew exactly what was going to happen before it did, but some of it was twisted enough to throw you off.

The characters were kind of dumb. Paris Hilton sucks as an actress, but still a great flick. One of my fav. horror movies because I can watch it over & over again & it still has the same effect! June 20, 2008

An exercise in stupid

To be fair, this tired and critically awful formulaic "horror" did manage to make a little profit (68 million for a budget of 40 million), but being part of a mostly awful genre entirely doesn't excuse this one from being, on the part of most all the characters, an exercise in stupid.

What do I mean by that? I mean that by the end of the movie, you couldn't care less who died or got maimed, and would actually believe they are either deserving, or simply too stupid to live. To make a "Saw" reference, if Jigsaw caught any of these teens, and put them in the trap where they are covered in flammable fluid, with a poison in their system, an antidote in a safe, the combination painted all over the walls, and a single candle to see in the dark, these teens would most likely burn their own eye with the candle, or drop it and step on it, and accidentally get an infection from stepping all over the glass before the poison even takes effect on them.

The Villains:
So there're these two twins, siamese, and they're disconnected, but one is horribly disfigured because of it. So his whole deal is because he's ostracized as a freak, he builds things out of wax. He's also making a mask for himself out of wax, which makes him look like an 80s horror serial killer, even though we're supposed to feel sorry for him and think he's not really such a bad guy---it's his snarky brother who's the bad influence.

The Teens:
Even the teens in "House of 1000 Corpses" are more likeable! Aside from Elisha Cuthbert's character (all of their names I never bothered to learn) and her boyfriend, the teens seem born to die. They're the kind of people you'd expect to be raised in a place like Beverly Hills without ever reading a book, watching something not on MTV or VH1, or even going to a private school but being homeschooled by apathetic tutors. They're simply the sort of people you'd want to kill too if you were the bad guys in the film.

The Stupid:
I'm going to list specific examples, but really there's a lot more.

- Paris Hilton's character catches the killer off-guard: she's got a big wooden stick and manages to bash him in his mask. He stumbles back, probably with his head reeling. Paris Hilton proceeds to THROW AWAY the stick, and RUN. This would be a semi-logical solution if the killer hadn't SLASHED her Achilles Tendon moments earlier. She's dead a few moments later.

- Elisha Cuthbert's character is strapped to a chair in the basement of a gas station by the other brother. Her lips are sealed with some sort of glue or wax. The boyfriend shows up outside, and the brother is talking to him. She can see them through a metal grill above her. She manages to get free. Rather than work on prying her lips open, she LOOKS AWAY, and STICKS HER FINGER THROUGH THE GRILL. The brother swiftly reaches down and CUTS OFF THE TIP OF HER FINGER. Only then does she bother to try and pry her lips open with her hands.

- The teens are camping in a big open field. A pick-up truck pulls up with the headlights on. The kids call out to the driver, who doesn't respond. One of the teens chucks a beer bottle and breaks one of the headlights. The car inconspicuously drives off. Clearly, walking the short distance to the car and asking "what's up?" took more effort than hurling a glass bottle that distance with the intent of creating a lawsuit if the driver weren't one of the killers.

- The killer has been knocked unconscious by the Cuthbert's boyfriend character. They don't bother to check if he's dead, nor do they bother to ENSURE that he's dead after shooting him once in the chest with a miniature crossbow that is most likely just a prop or a weapon for hunting animals rather than a human-killing device.

- Elisha Cuthbert and/or her boyfriend think it's no big deal to be obnoxious, rude, and suspicious of a random guy who's offered to drive you into town when you're stranded in the woods. This is well before they've encountered anyone remotely threatening.


BONUS Killer stupidity: - It's apparently a good idea to build an entire house out of wax in LOUISIANA. This brings back memories from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" in which that Indian nobleman hired Wonka to build him a palace made of Chocolate. In India.


So here you have a small sampling of the rampant stupid which makes the teens in this movie too stupid to live. The movie wasn't good, either. April 6, 2008

KIND OF OKAY

House of wax was sort of entertaining especially seeing paris hilton get killed,every time i see that i just love it.It wasn't a brutal death but watching that makes you feel good.Anyway you have your typical teenagers heading somewhere than ending up getting killed.This is a pretty stupid movie but that's why it's fun there's a guy who turns people into wax and has a brother who is just like him just not with a messed up face.So i'll just start where it get's good two people get in a truck with a stranger to get to a gas station.They end up in a town they have never heard of and there's no one in that town but two psycho's so you know what happens next the killing starts not right way but it happens.I don't like typing much so you'll just have to get the movie to see what happens and it had some fun parts and of course some boring parts overall it's pretty cool film i hate the guy who played paris boyfriend tough good thing he gets killed,so get it rent or buy whatever. March 7, 2008

wow you scare me

i thought this movie would had been nothing because of the cast that was in it i mean paris hilton come on not a good actress i thought but she did a terrific job so did the others the movie scared the crap out of me i dont like wax models and i cried alot lol its a good movie go buy it January 22, 2008

Not completely unwatchable...

I saw this in theaters a few years back and I didn't fall asleep or walk out so it wasn't that bad, but like most modern slasher flicks it's pretty unremarkable and predictable at best. The concept of remaking a Vincent Price film is not something I support so I was not expecting much from this anyways and the result is pretty standard horror. It is a mild "R" considering all the Saws and Hostels out there that try outdo each other in gore and blood every subsequent release. It's mostly about some teens that end up in a strange town after some automotive trouble, and then...well, you can probably figure out the rest.

Other reviews say to rent this instead of buying it -- it's good advice, because you probably won't care sit through it a second time. As a bonus (or to add insult to injury, depending on your point of view) Paris Hilton graces the screen with her acting prowess, but not for the movie's entire length. What a shame.
January 4, 2008

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