Red Sonja (1985)

Great!

This is a movie I grew up watching, so being able to find it on DVD, and for such a low price,was fantastic. Maybe not a great movie per se, but it appealed to my nostalgia. Fast shipping and great service, as always. September 24, 2008

That other Conan film ... what's it called?

This half-forgotten film is in the classic style of Schwarzenegger's Conan films but not titled as such and with a consequent loss of market. That is a pity because it is almost the equal of the others. Also, the heroine is a red-head, which helps spice up the red-ragging rage-queen vs muscle boy image. September 15, 2008

Before Sly Stallone ...

A minor character in a Robert E. Howard historical story, Marvel turned it into a monthly character in the same world as Conan. Dino ("My Konk is big!") De Laurentis brought it to the big screen with director Richard Fleischer, fresh off his failed CONAN THE DESTROYER. If anything, this bugger is even worse. Now I know that is saying alot. Arnold is in it as a character who is really SUPPOSED to be Conan and Brigitte Nielson in the title role. Sandahl Bergman (Valeria in CTB) is an evil queen in pursuit of a deadly orb of power and wiping out anyone in her path. August 26, 2008

Sonja needs no help from any man---except maybe an acting teacher

This film is campy and awful that it rates up there with Showgirls for camp value. Brigette Nielsen is wooden as the fiery haired warrior who wants to avenge her slain family. Half the time I can barely understand her when she's not wielding her sword. Poor Arnold; this was a very lousy follow-up to the great Conan series. August 6, 2008

Arnold Schwarzenegger Calls This His Worst Movie...And Now I Know Why

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been quoted as saying that "Red Sonja" is the worst movie he has ever been in, and has been known to punish his children by making them go to their rooms and watch it. I can see why. The film is good for a campy laugh, but it is essentially a lame follow up to the "Conan" films that were so popular. It is unsurprising to see that Dino De Laurentis was involved with making this film, as it has all his trademarks: grand scale, cheesy sets, terrible over-acting, and amazing plot contrivances.

This is (surprise!) a film about vengeance set in a swords and sorcery background. Brigitte Nielsen is Red Sonja, a master warrior out to avenge her family's deaths. She is pitted against the evil Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman) who has stolen the talisman. The talisman (which is a ridiculous glowing orb) will destroy the world in 13 days if Sonja can't recover it. Along the way we pick up the supremely annoying child actor Ernie Reyes, Jr. who plays the arrogant Prince Tarn, and the Prince's aid, Falkon (Paul Smith), who has the patience of Job to deal with the brat.

There is much swordplay and padding, and many wacky characters and situations. I was especially amused by the giant purring tarantula that Gedren kept, and the metal "killing machine" that everyone gets to flop around with in a wet cave reminding me of Bela Lugosi dealing with the horrifying octopus in Ed Wood's masterwork "Bride of the Monster", the prime difference being that Lugosi could act.

Obviously there is a wooden romance between Arnold and Sonja, but lots of swordplay is involved in the courtship process. There are numerous gaffes in this film. I swear that in one ambush scene the bad guys are wearing blue jeans...if they aren't they are certainly the ancient precursors. There are also some puerile ruses from Gedren's comically-costumed magician and an epic conclusion involving a mammoth sword fight, an earthquake, a river of lava, and an exploding castle (which looks more like an oil well fire than anything).

This movie is worth the look for camp value alone: the acting is among the worst I have seen in a big budget film (especially from Nielsen and Reyes), the plot is ridiculous, the special effects are none to special, and characters are laughable. It is enjoyable from a "so bad it's good" perspective, and is relatively short, which helps deaden the pain. I recommend this movie to people who like camp classics.

At least on this one issue, I find myself in agreement with Arnold Schwarzenegger. August 2, 2008

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