Suicide Blonde (1999)

Nick, a hapless valet working at a nightclub in South Beach, gets carjacked by an insane criminal and a mysterious blonde. All this while he is trying to park a prized '71 Cadillac belonging to a murderous Cuban gangster. The carjacker is a criminal known as "The Scorpion." In the ensuing fight, Nick kills him and, with the help of the blonde, gets away before the police arrive. Nick gets in even deeper when he is mistaken for "The Scorpion" and now has to figure out how to escape with his life and save his heart from the "suicide blonde."

funny, but stupid

I watched this movie because it has Angel Boris in it, and I love Angel Boris. But even my love of Angel Boris could not make me think this a good movie.

It's not altogether bad. There are a few laughs, but too many bad jokes that fall flat. One part in particular that had me laughing was how the story of the "Scorpion" entering the bar got more violent and ridiculous each time they told it. And some of the dialogue between the four gangsters was amusing.

The acting was okay. The direction was amateurish, and the plot was interesting in the beginning. But what good parts the film possessed were outnumbered by the stupid parts.

The main character, Nick, is a total moron. His actions and decisions are so mind-numbingly stupid that we cannot possibly root for him as a hero. And Angel Boris' character is too poorly written. They tried to make her mysterious and ambiguous, but she comes off as just confused and crazy. The four gangsters aren't terribly bright either. (Now that I think of it, there isn't a single intelligent person in the whole movie.) And the ending somehow manages to be both completely illogical and totally predictable.

The real problem is that this movie doesn't know if it wants to be a comedy or a crime drama. There are funny parts, but there are also exceedingly violent parts. The plot as a whole is rather dark. There are a couple of cold-blooded murders in the film that lessen the humor. Now in the hands of a better director (Quentin Tarantino, for example) the film might have clicked. It is obviously going for that kind of vibe, but the director and cast aren't good enough to pull it off.

I still love Angel Boris though. October 14, 2007

A BURLESQUE ON VIOLENCE AND CRIME/ HILARIOUS *****

This very entertaining,independent humourous action film could have been the suprise hit of the Summer of 2003 if any of the major studios had the cojones to put it in 3,000 theaters nationwide!

The plot revolves around the humorous misadventures of a hapless valet (Dale Paris) and a dangerous blonde(Beautiful and Sexy Angel Boris), co-starring a cast of colorful oddball chracters- Pepo and His Gang - Dogbreath (Bob Deacon a regular on the new hit TV series "Karen Cisco" = Achmed The Convenience Store Clerk = Skinnyman = Mr.Lovaglio (played by Mr. Schnozzercam himself "WIllie Blanco") = The Scorpian = and a 1971 Cadillac Eldorado Convertible, ( which is currently for sale and advertised at the end of the credits ). One of the best directorial debuts by director Edwardo Carrillo since Robert Rodriguez's "El Mariachi". A brilliantly humorous performance by Tony Pachecho, as the lead Latin Gangster " Pepo Duran ", and his three Marx Brotherish cohorts. Has the potential to become a "Cult Classic". Some cool extras check out "Behind The Blonde" on the DVD. The more times you watch this film the better it gets. A gem in the ruff. A very unconventional Love Story. Highly reccommended. Colorful, Action filled, humourous,offbeat and very entertaining. Check It Out ! October 3, 2003

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