Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

GIANT SPIDERS THAT SOUND LIKE CARTOON CHIPMUNKS

I would have given this 4 stars for the witty script, excellent cast and marvelous visual effects -- hell, I grew up watching Big Bug movies, and this would have been an excellent example except for the dopy cartoon voices dubbed onto the giant spiders by Frank Welker. Welker's a very talented guy, but his contribution here works to the movie's detriment. The fault is directly traceable to the director, whose New Zealand giant-spider short film LARGER THAN LIFE suffered from the same defect. Obviously, he wants his giant spiders to sound like the Goofy Gophers sucking on helium, probably to keep them from being TOO scary. But that hurts the film. It's got plenty of comedy in the dialogue and characters. If the monsters are goofballs, you've got zero suspense. Despite the powerful visual presence of the giant spiders, they just sound plain ANNOYING with those stupid giggling sound effects! I still give the movie 2 stars because every factor except the dumb spider voices was right on target.

Better luck next time, guys. September 27, 2008

GREAT movie!

Creepy, fun, edge-of-the-seat movie that I would never part with! I've watched it several times already. This movie made me fond of David Arquette, who I couldn't stand before I saw this movie. The characters are fun and endearing, and I love when David yells the title line of the movie out! Funny every time. Buy it if you like good, clean spookiness. It's a must have! June 24, 2007

The most important movie since Pulp Fiction

This movie is so intense and pulse pounding I almost cried. It is filled with suspense and horror scenes that you will have nightmares for nights. When I saw the spider in the pop-tent, I threw my shoes across the theater in glee. June 6, 2007

Best spider movie of all time!

Hands down, this is the best spider movie out there to this day. Its funny, sometimes scray, and action pack, and along for the ride are terrific special effects. Believe or not, the spiders 'talk'. Well, they don't really talk, all they really make are squeaky voices, which are supposed to be their 'talking' voice. Anyway, the film doesn't take its self seriously. And thank god it doesn't. If it had, it would have sucked balls. Check this creature feature, you won't be disapponted.

PS: I'm over 13, but I figured this was easier. Oh and by the way, I'm beggining to write the sequel.

MR.JAWSBITEME
Wish me luck! April 22, 2007

A hilarious and fun throwback to the 50's giant insect monster movies

In 2002 there came a film in the tail end of that year's summer blockbuster film season which took me by surprise. The movie I'm talking about is Eight-Legged Freaks. It was from Kiwi-born director Ellory Elkayem and he did a wonderful job of bringing back just a small peek at those fun 1950's giant monster and insect movies like Them! and a host of others.

The movie pretty much follows the same conventions as those old-time monster movies. It has the smart and bookish teenage boy whose love for all things spiders will come in handy as the movie moves along. Then there's the eccentric and creepy loner who collects spiders and learns that the water he has been giving them has now been tainted by toxic chemicals from a drum container that has fallen into a nearby river during transport. This river and the creek it feeds is right next to a down-and-out mining Arizona town, ironically named Prosperity. The movie wouldn't be complete without the arrival of its prodigal son, Chris McCormick (played with quite a bit of understatement by the usual over-the-top David Arquette) whose father used to own the gold mines which the town relied on for its economy.

With a reluctant hero comes the woman he left behind and pined for years ago, but now much older and with kids of her own from a previous marriage. Kari Wuhrer --- of MTV and B-movie fame --- plays Samantha Parker. McCormick's love interest who also happens to be Prosperity's current town sheriff and single mother to the aforementioned teenage boy with the thing for spiders and nubile teen daughter Ashley (played by pre-superstardom Scarlett Johansson). Then there's Wade, the town mayor whose failing Ostrich farm and unused megamall is leading him to sell the town wholesale to some nameless giant corporation.

With the basic plot set and characters introduced all hell breakloose as toxic-mutated spiders grow to giant proportions and begin to terrorize and devour the townspeople. At first, it's isolated attacks until their numbers grown in size and they attack the town itself en masse. This may be a B-movie but it sure had great CGI-effects when it came to the giant arachnids and how they behaved on the screen. The many different types of giant spiders ended up having distinct personalities to distinguish themselves from each other. From the tank-like tarantula to the agile Jumping Spiders and the cunning trapdoor spiders. In fact, these spiders were also given some sort of voice which sounded like chipmunks on helium as they screeched, yipped and screamed their way around the screen.

Eight-Legged Freaks is not something great to write mom home about, but it is a fun movie to sit through, especially one full of teenagers who seem to scream and shout the loudest. This is a type of movie that actually needs a rowdy audience to really entertain. There's really no need to follow the dialogue since most of it is quite forgettable. The action on the screen from the giant spiders chasing motocross-riding teens and their attack on the townspeople at the megamall does well without the need of extraneous dialogue.

Ellory Elkayem did a great job in making Eight-Legged Freaks not just a fun movie but also a throwback to the 50's monster movies that we see now on syndication. This movie showed Elkayem had great potential as a genre filmmaker. It's a shame he had to follow up Eight-Legged Freaks with two very awful and forgettable sequels to the Return of the Living Dead franchise. I'm still hoping that he can rebound from that double-debacle and make more fun monster movies. April 17, 2007

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