Soccer Dog - The Movie (1998)

Abysmally Bad Movie

Where to begin?! I don't normally write reviews, but this movie was so remarkably bad that I couldn't remain silent. The plot is thin, the acting is awful, the writing is worse. Save your time and money! If you MUST watch a movie about a dog playing soccer, go for the "Air Bud" version. May 5, 2008

Golden Goals.

A fantastic little dog.My dog is almost the same.He believes to be one of the kids.
Besides,the story is well performed,(apart from some violent scenes)
but it is adviced that the kids watching this,ought to be accompanied by their parents.
That dog is super fa-vo-lo-so
Fabulous n' cute.
Simply the key of the whole story. May 6, 2006

THE MOVIE.

Let me point out something real fast. See how the name of the movie is "Soccer Dog: THE MOVIE"? That automatically nets it an extra star. Why? Because it's THE MOVIE. Because, you know, there's a show of the same name. Actually, there isn't. Why a movie needed "THE MOVIE" in the title is beyond me, but anything with that in the title makes me laugh, and boosts the rating a little. Unfortunately, everything past the title is horrible. I recently reviewed Soccer Dog: European Cup, accidentally getting that over this one first, and that movie was one of the worst things I've seen in my life. After seeing THE MOVIE, I have to say that this one's about even with European Cup. In fact, they're basically the same movie. So if my review of this one sounds too much like the other, it's because they're the same movie, just in different locations.

THE MOVIE starts out with a narration by Alden, a man who gives us a brief story of his life and how he was left at the doorstep of an orphanage (a ploy I always liked, and was glad to see it used in modern times for once). The woman that ran the thing was psycho, and he got out as soon as he could. Growing up, soccer was one of few interests. He gets married, and decides to adopt a kid from the same orphanage he used to live at. Alden and his wife Elena pick up a total winner in Clay. A boy with no personality of his own, the most confused look on his face at all times, and can't start any sentence without "uh" or "um". Great choice in kids there guys. The funny thing is that he looks like an even lamer version of Jake Thomas (yeah, I thought that was impossible too), the kid from European Cup. They take him home, where Alden shows that he has no personality too, giving Clay a room full of KISS posters, and he soon signs him up for soccer. Because, you know, Clay had tons of interest in the sport prior to joining. The team's equally bad, full of stereotypes and just plain creey kids. One named Vince, is a date rapist in the making. He calls everyone "baby" and himself "daddy". There's another kid whose dad is the head of a mafia, and the only funny thing in the movie. When a guy in the stands insults his son, he snaps his fingers, and two goons go to take him away. So by now you're probably wondering where the whole Soccer Dog aspect comes into play. Well, early on, we see a boy playing in the park with his dog, Kimble. They're playing fetch, only Kimble has a learning disability, and brings the ball back by rolling it with his head. The stupid kid throws the ball too far, and Kimble ends up getting taken to the pound by a very, VERY derranged dog catcher. Seriously, this guy's like Hannibal from Silence of the Lambs combined with Ricardo from Frankenfish. Kimble escapes by...finding a hole under the mat in his cell, and makes his way to the city, where Clay takes him in. Kimble is renamed "Lincoln", and ends up showing off his skills in soccer, joins the team, and I'm sure you know how the rest goes.

Yeah, this was quite a movie. Aside from the paper-thin characters (you don't understand how much I hate Clay, his dad, and Vince), they gave them all equally benal names. Clay's nemesis, a buck-toothed boy with a bowl cut is named Berger. Yes, Berger. No, he doesn't have an accent or anything. He must've been a mistake, and his parents figured that was the only way to take out their anger. Berger's a total jerk, and hates Clay because Clay watched him pick on someone at the shoe store. That's all. Because Berger is a chicken-wuss, and eventually gets jealous of Kimble/Lincoln, he later gets his own dog from the dog pound to take him out. He's a huge black dog, Lincoln's opposite, who I have named LINCOLN X. LINCOLN X appears on screen for maybe 2 minutes tops, and is never seen again once he's used later on. Add in the horrid ska-soundtrack from European Cup, a magic CG-soccer ball that Kimble/Lincoln kicks around with his head, and you've got one of the worst movies to come direct-to-video. I'm serious, if you're a parent and get this for your kids, you are a bad parent, and would do better to just rename them Berger.

The movie's picture quality was poor. Presented in fullscreen, there's tons of grain on-screen, and the CG-soccer ball is rediculous. It looks like something I could've done in MS Paint when I was 10. Though I'll give them some credit, there were no CG backgrounds like in European Cup. As for the audio, it was average, though sometimes voices could barely be heard.

There were no special features at all, thus lowering the score even more. I'm a poet and I didn't even know that I am one.

Soccer Dog: THE MOVIE...I just like saying that. Any movie that never had a show, game, book or anything of the sort should have "THE MOVIE" in the title just to remind you of what it is. I'm hoping that if a third one in the series comes out, they get it right, and have the whole soccer dog aspect be more than just 20 minutes. So far, the series hasn't been as much about the dog as it has been about boys who never knew their dads, which make for great animal-playing-sports movies of course. April 26, 2005

Flawless Canine Madness

Absolutely amazingly superbulous. Got the whole Trilogy. Best film ive ever seen in years!!!!!! Hes such a cute little dog, and performs like an absolute hero throughout the whole movie!!!
Buy it!!!!! February 17, 2005

Not a good movie for children!!!

This purports to be a fun children's movie about a dog playing soccer and an orphan fitting in with his new family. Instead, it has an evil twist that includes a demonic dog catcher that terrorizes the canines and mean-spirited children being nasty to other kids. I ended up fast forwarding to only the dog playing soccer parts; the other parts were either too stupid, scary or ill-conceived to let my daughter watch them. I don't know why a child's movie has to have such cruelty and nastiness.

Besides the above, the plot and dialogue is terribly crafted. This is one I would definitely avoid--regardless of the cute cover that appeals to children. December 28, 2004

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