Mean Machine (2002)

British soccer star Vinnie Jones stars as--no big stretch--a former soccer star named Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan who gets arrested for drunken assault and sent to prison for three years. Behind bars he finds himself embroiled in web of prison politics, caught between a governor with a gambling problem, a crime boss who lost a lot of money on a game that Meehan lost, and a motley crew of surly prisoners and guards with grudges. It all culminates in a soccer match between a team of guards, led by a hard-nosed warden, and a team of convicts, led by Meehan. Mean Machine is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie The Longest Yard and the plot is pretty sure-fire; it's hard not to get caught up in the tensions of the big game. Plus, the comical game commentators give the movie a good jolt of humor. --Bret Fetzer Amazon.com

Should I stay for half-time, or leave before traffic gets bad?

I turned Adam Sandler's remake of "The Longest Yard" off after twenty minutes, vowing only to watch it again when the world's collided. I have never seen Burt Reynold's original "Longest Yard", though I have just added it to the films that I am eagerly awaiting to see - so with that said, I went way beyond my typical style of cinema viewing and chose to watch "Mean Machine" first and foremost. Obviously I didn't read the reviews close enough to know that it is simply a remake of Reynold's work, so I went in blindly ... very blindly. This is probably one of the only times that I will watch a film out of sequential order (i.e. what was meant to be released first and second), but I am extremely happy with my decision. "Mean Machine" was a crisp, "thud"-packed film that didn't fight with clichés, but instead gave us an action-comedy that only the British can conquer. While most will complain that this film doesn't do justice to the original, I must ask if Sandler's did either? "The Longest Yard" wasn't a groundbreaking piece of cinema, and to see a British team remake the film, it is almost like a smile on our American faces. How often does that happen? So, without seeing much of the other two films, I went into "Mean Machine" with a clean slate, and enjoyed every moment of it. This was a fresh film, commercial in every since of the word, but fresh for what we decided to remake and slaughter.

I hate sports films. With this film I thought I would watch and return, without giving it a second thought. I thought it would be another cliché moment of the underdogs beating out at the last moment without anyone skipping a beat and winning the female lead at the end. We have all seen these before, and it is the cliché ride that most sports films seem to fall. While "Mean Machine" was similar in nature, what lead to those final moments was really what transformed this film to above average. Vinnie Jones is tolerable. Actually, he is better in this film and shows more range with "Mean Machine" than I have seen him grapple in years. Sure, he was fun in the Guy Ritchie films, but it was fun to see him play the lead this time, while Jason Statham played the muscle. I loved, and in fact love his body of work, David Kelly. He was phenomenal as the older mentor in this film. What made "Mean Machine" stand out was the cast, the trouble I had with Sandler's film was that everyone was fighting to get the best joke in, everyone wanted to be in a scene with Sandler or Rock, but in this one, everyone had their own voice and logic. There were actual characters in this film, ones that stood beyond themselves and created the world we were viewing. With any sports film, there is that inconsistency that could transform the film into a very flat picture. That was never the case here. Jones and his crew gave us direction from point A to point B without missing a beat. Doc, Burton, Massive, Monk, Ratchett, and Sykes brought the prison alive and made us root for a game we have nearly disregarded in America.

The weakest part of this film had to be the story. While the characters gave the story a voice as well as characters to root for, there was just something lacking with the story. It was strong, much stronger than most sports films of the same nature, but there was just that level of punch missing that you would expect from any typical British film. The direction may have had something to do with it, but not completely. I can't put my finger on the issue, and I think it has to do with the ability to recycle films - there is always something missing from each carbon copy. I need to see the original, but alone, "Mean Machine" was directed eagerly, but lacked the depth in the story. I wanted to see Danny's downfall in the beginning, I wanted to know more about him prior to his jail time, the idea of him fixing games seemed minimal in the overall scope of what Danny had to do with playing the guards. I needed that knowledge of whom he was and the struggles that he was facing. Sure, it wasn't meant to be this grand bio-pic, but something (as short as it was needed) had to be there. Maybe I am pulling at straws, but as I look at this picture as a whole, it was a stand-alone film that prided laughs (intelligent ones) as well as hard hitting action, but it needed something more. I could watch this film again, and I would go through the motions, but something was missing. It was like having the best piece of pie in the county, but realizing later that a scoop of ice cream would have been nice as a side. Unknown director Barry Skolnick places this film together well, but I feel as if he could have done more. I didn't need another "Lock, Stock", but I needed something that grabbed me further into.

Will I buy this film? Yep, I think I will just because I loathe the 20-minutes of the Sandler version and prefer to give others a taste of what decent remakes are like, but I cannot say that it is the best film watched. My review seems scattered at best, and as I read through it again, I don't think I have quite the grasp on this film as I hoped. I liked it, not loved it, and I could watch it again, but not too often. Bubbles have more consistency than I do with "Mean Machine". Maybe it was Charlie Fletcher's screenplay, but honestly I think I am just grabbing at air. I think what could have toppled me with this film would have been some special features. Something to show me how it was made, an audio commentary to give me a voice for the director, something that would have made me look deeper into this film. "Mean Machine" isn't bland, but I needed a better flavor.

Overall, I liked it. I am growing tired of this review and think it will throw others off the trail of this invitingly fresh film, so I am going to stop. I think everyone should watch this. Sure, it doesn't have the bathroom humor of Sandler's version, but it does provide the Brits an opportunity to demonstrate that their "football" is just as exciting as ours.

Grade: *** out of ***** October 4, 2007

Mean Machine

A British translation of "The Longest Yard," using Soccer instead of american football. It is a fun little movie, with typical Brit humor. January 5, 2007

you've gotta see this movie.

If you're a Guy Ritchie fan, or at least think you are, the nthis movie is for you! August 4, 2006

mean machine

My son, being a hugh soccer fan liked it a lot. I liked the "longest yard" story line. July 19, 2006

Great Film!!!

Excellent combination of comedy and action. Very interesting to have a British version also. Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham both are wonderful actors in this film. I've watched it many times and will watch it many times more! June 22, 2006

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