The Bride (1985)

IT'S ONLY ME, BUT:

THE ORIGINAL FRANKENSTEIN SHOULD OF LOOKED SO GOOD. GO STING. THE DOCTORS MAKE A BRIDE FOR FRANKENSTEIN. BUT THEN BECASUE SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL, AND THE PERFECT WOMAN, THEY DO NOT GIVE HER TO HIM. DR. fRANKENSTEIN WANTS HER FOR HIMSELF. THIS CAUSED ALL SORTS OF PROBLEMS/ANGER FOR THE BIG, UGLY FRANKENSTEIN. DR. FRANKENSTEIN LIVES TO REGRET BUILDING THE PERFECT WOMEN. JM May 31, 2008

UNINTENTIONAL HILARITY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER IN THIS MISBEGOTTEN 80'S REMAKE.

The history of rock, from Elvis to Madonna, is a l-o-n-g parade of singers certain they have a date with destiny -- movie stardom -- but don't. Sting, ludicrously self-enamored and hammy, is Dr. Frankenstein in this remake of THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN, material which was handled more deliberately wittily in 1935.

On a stormy night in a lab, Sting twirls dials and pulls switches while his assistant Quentin Crisp, purses his lips as they try to animate a mate for monster Clancy Brown who, in chains, yells, "For me! For me!" Crisp, in his only line, snaps in reply, "Don't be impetuous!"

Things run horribly amok, so Sting and Crisp think their new female creation is dead -- but no, she only seems that way because she's played by Jennifer Beals, the media-created "star" of FLASHDANCE. Beals bats her mascaraed lashes -- which, for her, is positively animated -- to signify she has come to life, then spurns Brown, who brings down the lab and shuffles off into the stormy night. Before you can say, "Pygmalion," Sting, all Byronic and foppish, is staring at his comely creation, and muttering, "She might be made into anything." Tomorrow's Malcolm McDowell today, Sting flares, "I might make the new woman . . . a woman equal to ourselves!" Exactly.

Beals is soon walking stark naked around the castle, to the horror of maid Geraldine Page, who teaches her manners while pulling vinegary faces, undoubtedly because Sting is leaving so little scenery for her to chew. Beals becomes the belle of the ball thrown by countess Veruschka, at which she and Cary Elwes eye each other -- till Beals sees a kitty and lets fly with mad screeching. ("You never told me about cats," she explains to Sting. "I thought it was a tiny lion.")

Meanwhile, her soulmate, Frankenstein's monster, has been befriended by little David Rappaport, with whom he becomes a stellar circus attraction, but keeps longing for Beals and she, unknowingly, for him. When Rappaport dies, Brown tells Beals he's going far away and she says, "Like the Congo, you mean? Or like America?" He gives her a memento, Rappaport's souvenir medallion of Venice, where he dreamed of going. Now Beals spits at Sting, "I have a life of my own -- you didn't create me!" Replies Sting, "As a matter of fact, I did. I sewed you together out of corpses. And I can uncreate you, too."

Finally, overcome with lust, Sting chases Beals through the castle and leaps on her. You'll cheer when the monster hurls Sting to his death on the roof below, but don't miss the finale in which Beals rides a gondola in Venice, for it's cut in such an odd way that we think Brown at one time might have been shown riding with her. What a finish that would have made.
April 1, 2008

Elegant but empty and unnecessary

This movie is quite obviously intent on being a "serious "version of the Frankenstein story .It comes across as dull and earnest and is marred by an excessive pomposity in script and overall treatment .In striving to be weighty it merely comes over as dull and stilted
Baron Charles Frankenstein (Sting)has already created his male creature (Clancy Brown)when the movie starts and he is looking to make a mate for him ( Jennifer Beals) .As she is brought to life the laboratory explodes and she is carried to safety by Frankenstein who wrongly assumes that the male has perished in the fire .Quite obviously the good Baron has improved his skills considerably between making the male creature and building the woma -he is the archetypal Frankenstein monster while she is a stunner .He decides to keep her for himself and raise her as a sort of Pygmalion experiment -he will create an educated , independent ,free spirited "new woman" (rather like Mary Shelley the author of the source novel).He names her Eve -the first woman- and tells her that she is an amnesia victim he found wandering in the nearby woods .

The movie proceeds to cut between Eve and the male monster .He has escaped from the fire and is wandering the roads where he meets a dwarf (David Rappaport)and they strike up a friendship eventually joining a circus and becoming moderately successful and the monster assumes the name Viktor .Things go wrong when the dwarf is murdered and Viktor takes it upon himself to avenge his death and is forced to go on the run.The two creations gradually find their way to each other and even develop a telepathic link with one amother and events move to a violent climax

I suspect this would like to think of itself as a message movie specifically a feminist movie.Eve does learn to think for herself and defies her creator but only to the extent of wanting another man -a dashing youung soldier rather than him.The other message is not notably profound either-Dont tamper with Nature .In short the standard horror movie schtick
The movie is badly acted .Sting resembles a block of wood in period garments and as for Ms Beals !Well -I did wonder about Frankenstein trying to animate her because no director has managed to do so in any of her movie roles so far.In the words of the Sex Pistols song "We're all pretty ,we're so pretty.we're all pretty vacant"The best scenes are those between Brown and Rappaport which are both funny and moving

The score by Maurice Jarre is excellent -lush and romantic -as is the art direction by Michael Seymour .In an way they sum up the movie -nice to look at but with more pretnsions than actual substance
January 3, 2008

The Bride

Being interested in Sting, I purchased this movie from 1985. He plays Baron Frankenstein - a cold calculating scientist. The movie has different aspects - the story of Charles Frankenstein and the Bride he creates for his "monster" - and the monster Victor on his travels with Rinaldo, gaining wisdom and insights. I think it is a well balanced movie; well produced; well acted. Sting is good at playing cold and demanding. December 21, 2007

I'm a softy for the 80's cinema....

I will admit after watching the 1930's version of Metropolis, it held more intelligence and a theme, which is stilled used in films today, than "The Bride" could ever claim! But, there is much to be loved in this film. I've always enjoyed STING, with or without The Police, and had grown to enjoy his performance in "DUNE". Jennifer Beals (Flashdance)is as beautiful, sweet,innocent, and dangerous as she could portray. Clancy Brown (Highlander) played Frankenstein, an experiment longing for friendship and normality in his life. And you have to have heart for the "little guy" in the movie! The movie has it all adventure, love, action, and some dead spots! This film is for sentimental value only. If you've a soft spot in your heart for the 80's, it wouldn't hurt to buy this film. Be forewarned: You may only watch it once, but I felt it was worth beefing up my collection of films! VIVA STING! VIVA Jennifer Beals! VIVA Clancy Brown!And VIVA that little guy!! October 29, 2007

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