Python (2000)

It has its moments....

Well after reading all these negative reviews i wonder if we have all got a little too serious when watching B-Movies these days.
I have seen so called Cult 50's and 60's movies lauded as camp classics, despite terrible(even for the time)special effects and wooden acting.
Yet we seem to forgive that because in this day and age, it seems unforgiveable to have sub standard FX in a modern film, even if it is low budget.
Personally, i really enjoyed the movie despite it's shortcomings...if one takes one's brain out and takes it at face value for what it is...its just a plain old fashioned monster movie.
But i'm surprised more reviewers had'nt remarked on Jenny McCarthy's wonderfully measured OTT comic performance. It's little more than a short lived cameo, but she raises some laughs and displays a gift for comic timing with a character that seems to merge Christine Baranski's maneater from TV's Cybil,and Joanna Lumley's Patsy from Brit TV classic Absolutely Fabulous.
Anyway, i enjoyed this movie more than the grossly overrated Cloverfield... July 23, 2008

My Favorite Giant Snake Movie

This is my favorite giant snake movie I have seen so far. A herpetologist(a person who studies reptiles) named Dr. Anton Rudolph(Robert Englund) transports a 129 foot python to the US but the idiot co-piolet of the plane opened the crate it was in and the plane crashes in the outskirts of a town named Ruby. I starts eating the locals and it is up to John Cooper, Kristin, Theresa, Tommy, and a cop named Greg Larson(William Zabka) to kill the danged thing before it kills anyone else. The movie has good potential and is very good. It has some violence and gore, a lesbian scene and some nudity in a shower. Some strong language and overall it is a very good movie.

MPAA Rating= R for violence, gore, strong sexuality and language. June 23, 2008

Could've been better

In my opinion this movie could have been very good at least in sci-fi standards. The special effects ain't that bad for a direct-to-video but the bad acting and some events that make little or no sense makes it hard to enjoy for me. EX: The python was able to chase down a motor vehicle but for some reason it could not catch up with two bikes or simply chose to give up the chase its beyond my understanding. Maybe my expectations for this movie were to high after having watched the sequel wich was not a masterpiece but I personally liked better due to the fact that the snakes look slightly more real and the military had a bigger role in it in a better setting in my opinion. I just tought it was going to be more similar to its sequel. May 18, 2008

"The Study Of How It Projects Its Corrosive Digestive Fluids Could Prove Invaluable."

As if "Anaconda" wasn't a bad enough giant snake movie, this faux-Anaconda proves that whenever you think it can't get any worse, you are probably mistaken. The film starts with a giant snake punching a hole in the side of a secret government plane and causing it to crash. The film then breaks our necks in a jump cut to the most annoying credits ever filmed featuring an amateur demonstrating skillful stunts on a bicycle. Sound exciting?

The hero of the film is the cyclist who has a falling out with his brother over EPA standards for the chemical processing plant full of huge vats of acid they have inherited. There are subplots about camping holidays, annoying realtors, a crazed herpetologist (Robert Englund, who intermittently produces a small snake from his pocket and cuddles with it), and the State Department (of course). To add to the malaise there are moronic government agents (led by Casper Van Dien, who sports the worst accent in recent history), and an overly enthusiastic cop who makes Barney Fife look genuinely menacing.

Along the way important lessons are learned: first, understand that squirting baby shampoo at a 130 foot long snake which shoots acid out of its mouth will not repel the snake, however, it may eat your shower curtain; and second, remember that when fleeing for your life on a bicycle from a huge snake capable of crawling at 50 miles per hour, it is important to stop to put on your bike helmet and sunglasses before starting to run from the rapidly encroaching menace. These are just two of the helpful pointers you will learn from "Python". The ending of the film is extremely predictable from the point where we learn that the protagonist co-owns an acid factory. I'll give you a clue, it involves the game of hide and seek, and the snake is "it".

The film is about as lame as lame can get: I can't imagine what the sequel must be like. I can't say that I recommend this film exactly, but I will say that if you want a good laugh at the expense of a hapless CGI snake, this might be a good choice. April 10, 2008

Snake on a plane

I'm not sure if the movie is intended to be campy or not. At times the production value, the acting, and the overall feel of the movie rivals that of some of the larger Hollywood award winners. And at other times, the ridiculousness goes beyond anything I've ever seen.

A Top Secret plane, which is one of the most obviously bad model planes ever put into a movie, is carrying some sort of massive crate. When the crate begins to move, the doofus in back simply has to investigate. Before you know it, he's impersonating a gerbil, the plane has a massive hole in its side, and a crash in the wilderness is inevitable.

Fast-forward to two women getting it on during a camping excursion. They both die cheesy, unseen deaths without achieving any sort of climax whatsoever. Luckily their pet python escapes.

Next up, a guy bike races through the streets, the parks, the back alleys, jumping and sliding over everything imaginable; there is no reason for this montage other than to introduce the credits. After the BMX exhibition we find Johnny at a factory of some kind, where he's upset about his crappy job/legacy. He leaves early and meets up with his friend Tommy (Wil Wheaton), who plays a punk rocker who's interested in nothing but money and Kenny the Closer, a prick real-estate agent whose attitude forces the viewer to follow the "complete tool eventually dies a horrible death"-maxim of B-Horror movies. In other words, there is more unnecessary leadup to the snake's next appearance.

And then the local cops, one named John (William Zabka), and the other played by the guy under the stairs in People Under the Stairs, find one of the dead lovers from the tent. The forensic pathologist on the case is that midget-looking guy Isaac from Children of the Corn. Moments later Robert Englund is playing with a snake. The next scene shows Jenny McCarthy with Kenny the Closer at an open house. And then, BAM!, Casper Van Dien and his horrible accent are interviewing Robert Englund, who just happens to be a herbatologist. There really is no purpose other than to show the complete lack of direction and coherence within the first hour of the movie, and to randomly introduce all the unrelated characters played by people who aren't quite stars.

The rest follows the big snake horror movie formula: snake kills lots of people, many of the deaths are hilarious, good guys formulate stupid plan that eventually stops and/or kills snake.

This has, without a doubt, some of the best Mystery Science Theatre possibilities in the history of cinema. I laughed nearly the entire time, particularly at the preposterous ideas about the snake proposed by Englund's character (i.e. 129 ft. acid-spitting ATV, capable of speeds > 50mph, skin that can deflect an anti-tank round, and a voracious appetite for human flesh), and at Van Dien's hideous attempt at a foreign accent. March 25, 2008

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