Daily BirthdaysWitchery (1990)
Facts
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| Directed by | Fabrizio Laurenti |
| Cast | David Hasselhoff, Linda Blair, Catherine Hickland, Annie Ross and Hildegard Knef |
| Theatrical Release | February 21, 1990 |
| MPAA Rating | R (Restricted) |
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Average user review:
(9 reviews) |  | German witch living on an island |  |
To be fair, however, the killings were decent but not a hell of a lot made sense. Also, if it weren't for Satan being listed in the credits, I wouldn't even have known he made an appearance in the movie, and I'm still not sure who he was. The witch is convincing, though, but her skin looks like it's melting. Old age I guess. I have to say this is going to be one of those films that's going to be categorized as "it had potential" and that's about it. Rent before you buy this one.
Now, as far as the video quality goes, Media Blasters/Shriek Show did a very good job. The colors were for the most part solid, even though there was some fine grain which ran throughout the movie. There was also some obvious print damage but not enough to distract. It's obvious someone didn't do a great job taking care of the negatives. In fact, when you watch the trailer of the movie, there's a short message that comes on beforehand apologizing to the viewer that the trailer was not in the very best condition when Media Blasters got it, so they want you to know that in case you get shocked by the low quality of the video. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I've seen worse.
So, it's up to you if you're going to lay down the cash. But, you've been warned! August 18, 2008
| | | Spectacularly bad! | |
The plot makes no sense. There's no reason given to anything that happens except that Witchcraft is involved somehow. It's German Witchcraft at that, which again makes no sense except a German actress was hired to play the witch and I guess her accent had to be explained. I'm glad someone here explained the pregnant woman in the beginning was being chased by Puritans. That makes a little more sense than what I first thought since the Puritans kind of looked like Mexican banditos chasing the woman through an Old West town. I couldn't figure out what all that had to do with an island outside Boston. There's also a tiny subplot with a little girl in a wheelchair that has no purpose, except if you think girls in wheelchairs are creepy I guess.
The acting, especially by the supporting cast, is outlandishly bad. Usually you have to watch broad comedies satirizing bad acting to see such poor line readings. The actress playing the Hoff's girlfriend either had a speech impediment or was heavily medicated for most of the shoot. She slurred her lines so badly she was often unintelligible. Too bad she was supplying what little exposition there is.
The special effects reminded me of low budget, 70's tv shows on par with something like Shazaam. People mention the constant shifts from day to night within scenes. Instead, I enjoyed the "violent storm" and "killer waves" the characters kept refering to which kept everyone trapped on the island. I guess the budget didn't allow for people to wait around for an actual storm to occur, or even stock footage, because every shot showed clear skies and calm seas.
Unfortunately, even the cheese doesn't stop the movie from getting very slow and boring about 2/3's through and then you just can't wait for it to end. The filmmakers also seemed bored because the ending is very abrupt with no great payoff or satisfaction. Still a disaster of this proportion seems to necesitate the MST3K gang to be dragged back to work in order to skewer it. October 31, 2007
| | | 3.5 stars... | |
| | | "They've got a lot of legends about this island. Witches and rainbows and [stuff]." | |
As the film begins we see a pregnant woman in a nightgown being chased on a beach into a deserted hotel by a handful of idiots, and given their garb, I suspect this is meant to have happened sometime in the past. This goes on for a bit until the woman meets an untimely demise as she throws herself from an upper window...which transitions into another woman named Jane Brooks (Blair), who's also pregnant, waking with a start, as it was all a dream sequence (or was it?). Now we see a couple named Leslie (Cumming) and Gary (der Hoff) arriving at the same deserted hotel as seen in the dream (it's located on a island off the coast of somewhere) as Leslie is doing research for a book about witchcraft, and Gary is along to take photos, to which the filmmakers have Hasselhoff monkeying around with a light meter, obviously knowing not how to use it, in an effort to show he's somewhat of a proficient photographer, I guess. Now we move abruptly into some scenes featuring other characters, most of who are related to Jane including her father Freddie (Champagne), mother Rose (Ross), who's a real piece of work, and her younger brother Tommy (Manchester). The gist of these scenes is to inform the viewer that Jane's seemingly wealthy parents are planning to buy the dilapidated hotel in the hopes of turning into a country club of sorts, and decide on taking the family along to check it out. Oh yeah, they also bring along an attractive, blonde architect named Linda played by Catherine Hickland, to evaluate the place. On top of everything else, there's a kooky, old woman, dressed in black (played by Knef) who pops in and out of the film, acting like she's orchestrating things to draw specific individuals to the island hotel, where she just happens to reside. Anyway, the Brooks party arrives at the hotel, with an dopey real estate agent named Jerry (Farnsworth) along for the ride (ahh, another potential victim), run into Leslie and Gary, and the bad mojo starts once they realize, through some kooky circumstances, they're all stranded on the island.
While there were a few things I liked about this feature, there was plenty more I thought wrong with the film, the main aspect, I suppose being director Laurenti's seeming inability to relate the story in a coherent manner. Perhaps I shouldn't be too critical given this was his first film, but the flow was just so uneven that it felt like he was purposely trying to confuse and obfuscate the relatively simplistic plot, which is essentially a mish mash of witchcraft and satanism. As far as the acting goes, it's pretty sad when David Hasselhoff provides one of the better performances in the film. I thought Annie Ross, as the money grubbing, nagging, snippy, too much make-up wearing matriarch, did pretty well, but her role is cut short as she's one of the first victims (she does get hers in fairly spectacular fashion). The absolute worst performance in the film comes from Leslie Cumming, who played the character Leslie, as her delivery was thoroughly monotone and her acting abilities akin to that of a dead fish. She was cute, though, and she did appear topless at one point as a sort of incubus attacks her character while she's sleeping. As far as Ms. Blair, well, she doesn't come off that well, and it's pretty obvious the filmmakers were trying to play off leech off the success of some of her other films, most notably The Exorcist (1973). I think she suffered, as did most of the others, by the sheer fact the writing was generally awful (surprisingly enough, it seemed more than adequate for der Hoff...go figure). There were a few elements about the film that made me laugh, the main one being whenever the witch would work her mojo on a particular character, she'd draw them into another dimension, one populated with weirdoes, chicken wire, and fire, by means of a cheap looking effect consisting of a red, swirly vortex with the character centered in the middle, screaming at the horrific turn of events thrust upon them by forces unknown. Another really funny bit comes as we learn Leslie's never known the pleasures of a man, and Hasselhoff's character, prior to the weirdness, tries continually to score, only to be denied (the woman truly must have had the willpower of the gods to fight the enchanting allure of der Hoff and his magnificent chest mane). The best part of the film, at least for myself, comes near the end as Hasselhoff's character goes up against the witch. I won't spoil it with details, but I will say it was very satisfying and almost made the movie worthwhile if only to witness said events. As far as the `shocker' ending, any horror film fan worth his or her salt will see it coming a mile away. All in all this is a fairly rotten film with a slight bit of nekkidness and a modest amount of gore, worth about two stars out of five, earning one extra for the bit with Hasselhoff near the end.
The picture, presented in widescreen anamorphic (1.85:1) on this Shriek Show DVD release, looks pretty clean, but doesn't appear to have been formatted correctly (at the very beginning you'll see a credit cut off). As far as the sound, it comes through well, offered up in Dolby Digital 2.0. There's not much in the way of extras offered up, as all that's included are trailers for other Shriek Show DVD release like Shadow Dead Riot (2006), Just Before Dawn (1981), A Lizard in a Woman's Skin (1971), and Devil Dog (1978). Also thrown in is a montage of a handful of trailers for films by Joe D'Amato. Normally I'm pleased with Shriek Show and their releases, but there didn't seem a whole lot of effort here, especially given the blurb on the back of the DVD case describing the characters of Gary and Linda as a couple, when, in reality, it was Gary and Leslie...perhaps it was just a mistake, but it seems like a rather large one, indicating whomever wrote the piece probably didn't actually view the film.
Cookieman108
By the way, if a body were stuffed up a chimney, don't you think it would make for an awful and highly noticeable smell once someone started a fire in the fireplace? Apparently not, according to this film...at least not for a while...
November 30, 2006
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