Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things (1972)

One of Bob Clark's Earliest and Finest

There's nothing like watching a low-budget zombie flick from the 70s. While watching this one, I kept expecting a disco ball to lower from the trees and the zombies to start layin' down the moves to "Saturday Night Fever". I'm talking about the clothes these people used to wear back then, what were they thinking!? It's not like you can blame the costume designer, that's just the way people dressed in 1972, unfortunately for them. All 70s clothes aside, this movie was a very pleasant surprise. All 70s clothes aside, this movie was a very pleasant surprise. Legendary director Bob Clark cut his teeth on this film as one of his first, and would later direct such cult-classics as BLACK CHRISTMAS, PORKY'S, and A CHRISTMAS STORY. He would also team up again with writer/actor Alan Ormsby on the film DEATHDRAM (aka DEAD OF NIGHT).

CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS centers on an acting troupe following their not-completely-right-in-the-head director (Alan Ormsby) to a remote burial island. What some people won't do for a big break in Hollywood! I guess it was a good idea at the time..."Hey, let's go to a remote island that's used as a big cemetery. And since we're here, why don't we dig up a corpse?" Alan, the director, is bringing them there to play a big joke. I won't give away what the joke is, but let's just say that it would a pretty boring movie if something didn't go wrong. Alan does his best impression of a warlock and tries to raise the dead while he's there (hey, who wouldn't!). Does he succeed? Just take a guess.

I wasn't very impressed at the beginning of the film, but it definitely grew on me. And once I stopped staring at Alan's multicolored pants (admittedly, that doesn't sound good), you can really get into the feel of the movie. As if under some kind of voodoo charm given off by my TV, I started liking this movie. The cemetery setting that was unimpressive at the start was now getting spookier. The actors playing actors seemed to come into their own. And the music score which had initially annoyed me...well, it still irritated me. Oh that's right, the score never really got any better. It's the only real downer, I think with a better one it could have added to the film's creepy factor.

Alan Ormsby's performance of the director was once described by a critic as "...one of the most obnoxious screen performances in history!". I think it's a bit harsh. He indeed was obnoxious, but in a B-horror flick good kinda way. He does a pretty good job of getting the audience to dislike him. He's more of a dictator then a director, and treats everyone around him like slaves...but of course they let him, so I can't feel sorry for them. The actors are looking for their big break, so hey, what's a little grave robbing if it will further your career. That makes it okay, right? The rest of the crew give good decent performances, but nobody else steps up and makes you take notice. Overall, I give a thumbs up to the acting.

Thumbs go up for the zombies in the film as well. The makeup and effects were pretty good for the low budget and the fact it was 1972, so no complaints there. You get to see zombies with a little bit more strength then you're usually used to. And in the end scene, you see a glimpse of intelligence, or maybe they just lucked up (You'll know what I mean when you see it). If you're a fan of lots of gore, you're not going to get it here. They're just evidently wasn't enough room in the budget for it on this one, as there was little of it. While I'm a fan of well-placed karo syrup and animal entrails as the next guy, it's refreshing to see that to make a decent film you don't need a lot of gore. June 7, 2008

FOR REAL ZOMBIE FANS ONLY!

This one is very dated. If you really love Zombie movies, you might enjoy this, but don't blame me if you don't. May 19, 2008

BEST ZOMBIE COMEDY OF THE 2OTH CENTURY!

CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS is the heart warming story of a troupe of quasi-professional actors and their megalomanical director/producer Alan (Alan Ormsby) who decide it would be a nifty idea to go to a deserted island, perform a satanic ritual and raise the dead to serve Alan's every need. And why not? Its 1972. Having reached this conclusion Alan chooses an island that meets certain specific requirements and has the proper ambiance, to wit it has an old cemetary where the dead were not necessarily the nicest folk, and a deserted house where an unspeakable crime had been committed. As their boat pulls up to the little dock, our story begins.( oh, in real life the island is Key Biscaine, just down the road a piece from Tricky Dick Nixon's house.)

Our chosen island is a creepy little place, made all the creepier by Uncle Alan who proceeds curdle his "friends"/employees blood with graphic stories of the evils perpetrated by the dead buried in the ground around them, while they engage in the task of digging up a corpse of proper vintage for the evening's main event.

Come midnight, however, Alan's ritual seems to be a dud and Orville (the recently exhumed corpse) just sits there like, well, like so much dead meat, as do all the other bodies in the cemetary. Incensed, Alan calls a curse down on Satan, which draws nothing but ridicule from his troupe and a classic case of one-upsmanship from Valerie (Valerie Mamches).

Humilated and enraged, Alan orders them to drag Orville (Seth Sklarey) back to their camp at the spooky deserted caretaker's house where he proceeds to to demean, degrade, humilate,and otherwise abuse both the living and the dead--while outside we see that the dead have decided to rise after all. Whether this is a result of Alan's ritual or a response to the curse called down on Satan is academic --the dead are rising. They are hungry. And ham is on the menu.

From here on we are in classic NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD mode, board up the doors and windows and consult the handy dandy grimoire that Alan brought along to use in his original ritual. But oh no! To return all the zombies to their graves, they have to return Orville to his grave and they could never make it through all those slavering flesh eaters! What to do?

Well, I'm not going to tell you. I haven't told you everthing up til now either. What fun is review that makes you feel as if you've seen the movie? And this is one you should see for yourself if you dare call yourself a fan of the genre.

Written and directed by Benjamin Clark (later to gain fame as Bob Clark with PORKY's BLACK CHRISTMAS and A CHRISTMAS STORY), CHILDREN is nicely written and rings true to anyone who has had to spend time with "actors" who are at this rung on the talent ladder) .Uncle Alan and his little troupe are constantly "on", always performing, always trying to come up with a funnier line than the last guy. Life for them is a constant audition. Its hippie theater with delusions of the avant garde, improv by the uninspired.

There is some genuinely bad acting going on here and the finger is usually pointed at Alan Ormsby. I don't have a problem with him. I think he does what he has to do to get his charater across. For me its his real life Anya Ormsby who deserves the most criticism. Although her character of the fragile, spaced out, cleverly named Anya is all too familiar to those of us who inhabited that era---she just goes waaay too far. One character says "one day she's just going to float away", not likely, Anya has a jet pack.

An awful lot is accomplished in this little movie with what can only be called a miniscule budget, I've heard it was $70,000. Alan Ormsby's make- up for instance is very effective, but why wouldn't it be...rumor has it he learned his craft working with Tom Savini, one of the greatest. And Carl Zittrer's musical score is extremely effective especially during the zombie resurrection scene, a scene always cited by fans as one of the scariest they've experienced. The electronic score combined with the shots of Ormsby's undead wriggling out of the earth like so many ghoulish seedlings seeking the sun in a perverted Disney nature film provides genuine chills and isn't easily forgotten. My daughter still gets freaked out by the music alone!

There's more, so much more. But go find out for yourself how much fun you could have back in the days before those awful homogenized computer generated monsters usurped the screen, and imagination went out the window. April 7, 2008

The Maginitude Of Your Simplitude Overwhelms Me

That's one of many awesome lines the main character Allen bite's back at the other characters with.

This movie is Awesome! Just look at how many people have taken the time to review this flick.

I rented this on an old 1977 rental VHS 8 years ago becuase my mother had seen this at the drive-in when it came out in 1972 and said it was the only movie that ever scared her.

What I saw I thought was awesome! It had a green film running over the movie I think due to the film transfer to tape but that only added to the cult like campiness this film musters up.

Early 70's Gore, one-liners, fashion, and campy make-up just made it all the more watchable and creepy.

This was done only 4 years after Night of The Living Dead so I think this was the first film since Night Of The Living Dead to go all out zombie until 1977's Dawn Of The Dead. And later Rabid.

Creepy awesome 70's horror scholck!
Get it with popcorn and soda! January 23, 2008

I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!

I hadn't seen this movie since I was about 14 years old, so of course I purchased it with more than a bit of trepidation. After all, that was over two decades ago and tastes change with age. I feared it would turn out to be some horrible little film I wouldn't be able to stomach... I was wrong. It is still loads of fun, and I proudly say that to this day I enjoy this movie far more than Night Of The Living Dead. January 9, 2008

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