Heathers (1989)

2 stars out of 4

The Bottom Line:

Heathers has acquired a considerable cult following, (no doubt in appreciation of its dark tone) but the movie is very dated and its third act, in which the movie compromises its iconoclastic values, torpedoes the film. December 21, 2008

First Came "Heathers," Then Came Columbine.

Watching "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" director Michael Lehmann's audaciously abrasive comedy "Heathers" with Winona Ryder and Christian Slater is like spiking your morning orange juice with Drano. Although the unsavory shenanigans of Ryder and Slater are rather morbid and mean-spirited, the victims of their pranks fully deserve the consequences. No, audiences who adored John Hughes' delightful teen angst comedies would probably find it a supreme challenge to sit through this trenchant, traumatic tale. The same applies for uptight religious fanatics and self-conscious prudes without a sick sense of humor. Anybody that has ever suffered at the hands of snobbish people or bullies will relish this film thoroughly and ultimately want to add it to their film collection. Generally, most critics cite the Leonardo DiCaprio drama "The Basketball Diaries" as the stimulus for the dreadful Columbine high school massacre. In retrospect, "Heathers" surpasses "The Basketball Diaries" as a most likely candidate for the movie that triggered the shooting rampage that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold launched back in April 1999 as a result of the social cliques, subcultures, and bullying that pervaded their Colorado-based high school.

"Heathers" takes place at Westerburg High School in Sherwood, Ohio, where fashion-minded Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder of "Lost Souls") tries to fit in with three vain and vicious vixens all of whom share the same first name Heather: Heather Chandler (Kim Walker of "Say Anything"), Heather Duke (Shannen Doherty of "Mall Rats") and Heather McNamara (Lisanne Falk of "Suicide Kings"), that reserve nothing but venom for all that cross their paths. Veronica comes from a well-to-do but rather dysfunctional family, too. When her father (William Cort) wonders aloud why he reads spy novels and smokes cigarettes, Veronica reminds him that he is an "idiot." Strangely, while she lacks the cruelty that drives the Heathers, Veronica has a conscience and a kind word for most people, so she seems rather out-of-place with this terrible triumvirate. Indeed, she seems like a considerate Nazi that follows orders. The Heathers are grooming her and they use her uncanny ability to forge letters. For their first prank, Chandler coerces Veronica into forging a note from a jock to a Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock (Carrie Lynn of "Disturbed"), a short, fat, ugly girl. While the Heathers and Veronica are up to these antics, Jason J.D. Dean (Christian Slater of "True Romance") watches this spectacle from the corner of the lunchroom. Dressed in a long, black coat, J.D. wears a squinty-eyed expression and delivers each line with a Jack Nicholson-esquire accent. Not only does J.D. attract Veronica's interest, but he also draws the attention of two letter-jacketed jocks, Ram Sweeney (Patrick Labyorteaux of "Ghoulies III") and Peter Dawson (Jeremy Applegate of "The Cable Guy"), who try to harass him. J.D. rises and pulls a pistol and shoots them. Later, we learn that he had loaded blanks in his gun.

"Heathers" was scenarist Daniel Waters' first screenplay. He went on to write "Hudson Hawk," "Demolition Man," and "Batman Returns." Waters' script drips with sarcasm galore. Look at the "Heathers" home page on IMDb.COM for these memorable barbs. Anyway, Lehmann and he skewer themes like teen suicide and peer pressure without a qualm. Audiences that cringe at the frequent usage of the F-word and the S-word are hereby warned. Eventually, Veronica joins forces with J.D., a loner who has spent his life moving around wherever his father's jobs take him in the construction industry. Like Veronica, J.D. enjoys a witty, irreverent relationship with his dad. Revealing anything else about this absolutely brilliant but politically incorrect chronicle would dilute its impact. Prepare yourself to be entertained and enlightened by one of the more clever example of the 1980s. Sadly, the careers of both Winona Ryder and Christian Slater lost them impact in the late 1999s. She got into trouble for shoplifting, while Slater repeatedly chose bad movies and eventually found himself in straight-to-video schlock with occasional exceptions like John Woo's "Windtalkers." Director Michael Lehmann helmed a couple of winners like "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" and the goofy "Airheads," but he has confined himself since to television. Nevertheless, "Heathers" remains a groundbreaking film that can be watch repeatedly.

Of course, the dark side of this film is that could be charged with creating the kind of moronic, anti-social imbeciles who engineered the Columbine massacre. And you know in our society, we always have to find a scapegoat--like a great movie--to blame what went wrong rather than the parents, administrators, and students that forged those monster. December 7, 2008

Heathers is great!

This movie is awesome! It's such a classic in that without it, many movies would not have been thought of and made. October 31, 2008

Simply a Classic

If you were ever into any of the 80's movies, this is a must have. Slater gives a dynamite performance and Rider is still stuck on Beetlejuice. October 12, 2008

FIXATION

I would drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log, and endure the chicken-baking heat of the Libyan Sahara; just to look into Winona Ryder's eyes for one minute; and since I've quoted the Father of Country Music already, I might as well do it again: this cinematic seductress has got ORBS DE LUXE "could knock a groundhog cold" and I don't care if she did shoplift. Actually I do; we're a Nation of Laws, aren't we? But my Brother the Lawyer said they witch-hunted her worse than they would have John Q/Jane Doe. Nuts to that Saks store detective Clown called her a "rich b----"; said he'd "make evidence" against her. She oughta sue the Buffoon Fool no jest! Marisa Tomei's Father the Judge could make him drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log, and endure the chicken-baking heat of the Libyan Sahara. Then he could be forced to look into Winona Ryder's eyes for one minute. To this end he could be strapped to an immovable chair and eye drops could be periodically applied to his corneas to keep them from drying out. A surgical device could hold his eyelids open; necessarily compelling him to view whatever was in his line of vision at that moment which in this case would of course be the lacerating glare of Her Hotness. (Stanley Kubrick, as you may know, used this technique to great effect on the main character of A Clockwork Orange. More on Mr. Kubrick later.) Ms. Ryder could also utilize that left foot forward stance some women employ when they decide to let the hammer down. I can hear it now: "No, noooo! I apologize!"

I went a little overboard just now and I apologize! I think it was S. J. Perlman, though, who said that people who never get carried away should be. Taken in this light it seems perfectly normal for an individual to go Hog Wild over certain movie stars, who seem to be germinated and generated in such a way as to attain and maintain the ultimate level of charisma. (The Dream Machine) They're like bar magnets; the kind you studied in High School science lab- all those iron filings in a pattern. I'm like one of those filings, or like one of thousands of spermatozoa hell-bent for that Pot o' Gold! (Don't laugh, this actually is a pretty good metaphor for the viewer/film industry dynamic. You've got about as much chance of making it with your favorite movie actor or actress as any oversexed MRC* has at scoring with that Queen Bee.)

At a certain point back in the Day; (70's I guess, don't ask me to specify); my friends and I found ourselves navigating a relatively degenerate period in our lives, indulging most of our spare time in just cruising around, drinking beer, getting high, and engaging in sundry other Activities. (Reference "Time", Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd.)

We drove mostly American Deathtrap V-8's, continually searching for that Pot o' Gold! There seemed to be two types of speedometers back then: the ones that went up to 100 MPH, or the type; usually found found on V-8's; that topped out at 120. If you were traveling over the maximum indicated speed there was no way to know what velocity you were hauling at.

"How fast were you goin' down that hill?"

"Damn 'fi know; sonofab---- was pegged!"

There was a little peg at the end of the scale, stopping the needle's travel. Just now it occurs to me that no matter how much hyperbole were you to apply; any description of Her Charms would; in a sense be "pegged", just like that speedometer. I mean; even if you were to go Hog Wild and refer to W. R. as a STUPEFYINGLY ADORABLE, MOUTHWATERINGLY DESIRABLE, SUPER-HYPNOTIC-CUTE-AS-A-BUTTON-ONE-OF-A-KIND-FILM ENCHANTRESS, it would be like an astronomer referring to the number of known stars in the universe as "over 120".

Speaking of the Universe, I recently rediscovered Mr. Kubrick's magnum opus, 2001: A Space Odyssey. I say rediscovered cause the first time I saw it I near fell asleep in the movie theatre. The second time I Got Something out of it. I think it has something to do with Man's quest for [???]. (You figure it out.) After Hal the computer kills off all the astronauts except for Keir Dullea, the Monolith sends him into a stargate or wormhole whose inhuman G-forces deliver him to [???]. (You figure it out.) With regard to the real world, Steven Hawking has said that because of the intolerable amount of gravity involved any astronaut having the misfortune to fall into a black hole would instantly be turned to spaghetti. I wonder if something like that would happen to you if you were to gaze a little too long into the sparkling Spellbinders; the Windows to [???] of the Mesmerizing Miss R. (You've figured it out.)



* Male reproductive cell



















































































































































































































































































September 22, 2008

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