Inseminoid (1982)

BABY FOOD...

A group of scientists are exploring the caves of a distant planet when one of their number is attacked and impregnated by a hideous bug monster. Judy Geeson (Dominique, It Happened At Nightmare Inn) plays Sandy, the crazed mum-to-be, who begins killing off her comrades and drinking their blood. I really enjoyed this movie, cheeze and all. Though some similarities between INSEMINOID and ALIEN do exist, this one quickly establishes itself as a story about deep-space maternal instincts gone mad. Can a small group of humans possibly survive Sandy's homicidal hormonal explosion? A unique take on motherhood for sure! Check out those ugg-leee babies... January 11, 2008

In Space No One Can Hear You Scream....In Laughter!!!

This movie was released in the U.S. under the title HORROR PLANET. I remembered it because of the creepy baby alien on the cover. I remember I hated and loved it back in 1982 as a kid, and knew I had to get it.

If you are having some friends over for drinks you might wanna watch this one as it's hilarious!!

Poor Judy Geason and Stephanie Beacham are the only actors doing their best to act above and beyond the silly dialogue and situations.

The rest of the cast are terrible and the characters make serious mistake after mistake just to wind up sliced or diced.

Still it's fun to watch all these big name actors (in England anyway) run around cheap sets from a really great Judy Geason. July 26, 2007

Liquid Who Alien Hammer 1999

I've actually read that this film was being made simultaneously with alien and was released a few weeks later, so who's the rip-off? More like a mash of Doctor Who, Space 1999, Liquid Sky and some Hammer mishap. Gory brit space opera filmed in a cave with some sexy breastage and horny alien impregnations. A whole lotta gel filter lighting and silver myler spandex were used in the making of this film. People who grew up on 80s late night cable will cleave this lovingly to their breast, all others will probably see it for the space-rape hokum it really is. Recommended. November 13, 2005

Nice British Sci-Fi Horror

Let me start by dispelling the myth that this is an attempted Alien rip-off. This movie was in production before anyone involved in it had seen the Alien movie and it was released in 1980. Both movies do draw upon earlier works such as Bava's Planet of the vampires. Any comparison between the two is also somewhat needless given the status of Alien as an all time classic and Inseminoid as a competent and entertaining B-movie.

Inseminoid could be described as exploitation meets a Blakes's 7 episode. The British seem to have been masters of combining very professional small-name actors with low budgets to produce material that hits above its weight, and I think this is a good example. Where the movie falls down a bit in my mind is that suspense in not maintained. None of the characters are developed to the point that we have much pity for them as they meet their deaths, and hence the movie does fall back on its credentials as an exploitation flick to provide entertainment. The quality of the DVD transfer copy I've seen is very nice with no obvious sign of age or wear. I'd only recommend buying this one to collectors of this genre. Having said this, I think the movie is much better than many similar low-budget B-movies. October 23, 2005

Cheese city here, folks

I had to chuckle to myself when I noticed I am following up a review for a movie called "Killer Condom" with one for a film called "Inseminoid." It is completely unintentional, I assure you. Still, it is funny in a dark, demented sort of way. As for these two films, the styles are quite different. "Killer Condom" is a warped spoof of American detective films while "Inseminoid" falls into the category of straightforward science fiction. Also known as "Horror Planet," "Inseminoid" is one of those hypercheesy rip-offs of "Alien," except on this outing it is Brits instead of Americans working on both ends of the cameras. The movie is a very low budget effort, hardly worth mentioning let alone watching unless you always enjoy viewing low budget British "Alien" rip-offs. Once again, I found myself wondering how a movie like this could get a DVD release while worthier projects fester on the back shelves of video stores in VHS formats. I am not saying "Inseminoid" is bad; it is actually a quite enjoyable romp through the world of schlock cinema, but even I must admit this movie should stand at the back of the line when it comes to receiving a DVD treatment.

On some distant planet in the distant future, an archeological expedition made up of males and females digs up a world of hurt in a series of tunnels near their recently inhabited base. One of the guys nosing around in a tunnel unearths some weird looking crystals, and goes completely bonkers after touching them. The other members of the expedition express the requisite amount of concern for their mentally damaged and recently deceased co-worker, but that doesn't stop them from continuing to muck around in a situation of increasing danger. Instead of hiding away in the research facility to await the arrival of a rescue ship, the crew decides to find out exactly what is going on. Too bad for them. It turns out that some mushroom shaped alien life form (see the cover of the DVD) has decided to emerge from its hibernation, hiding place, or wherever it has been in order to wreak havoc on the gullible humans. The hideous being hurts a few people before casting its lascivious eye on Sandy (Judy Geeson), deciding to "inseminate" her (chuckle) so he can have a few children. Before you groan with derision, and you will groan often while watching the film, it is after this incident that "Inseminoid" gears up to a snail's pace.

Sandy flips her lid after her experience with the creature. "Hey, so would I if I just had a sexual experience with an alien" you might say, and you would be right in part until you discover what Sandy gets up to. She starts roaming around the byzantine tunnels of the research facility in search of her fellow crewmembers because the growing embryos inside clamor for the nurturing taste of human blood. Bodies fall spouting blood and guts as Sandy insidiously tracks down her prey. The lady uses explosives to blast through metal doors, lays in ambush, acts as though she is in peril in order to lure unknowing humans to her, and generally makes a huge nuisance of herself. A diminishing group of survivors frantically monitors the deteriorating conditions in the corridors of the base from a sealed off control chamber while desperately hoping help arrives in time. Predictably, Sandy gives birth to her alien offspring--twins, by the way--before finally succumbing to one of her comrades. The "twist" ending not only fails to surprise, it fails in an excruciatingly banal way. Anyone who claims "Inseminoid" doesn't rip-off "Alien" should have their head examined.

"Inseminoid" boasts several memorable elements worth noting here. One concerns the presence of actress Victoria Tennant among the cast. She only shows up briefly--just long enough to pick up her paycheck, one supposes--so you have to keep your eyes open. The idea that this actress could go from a cheesefest like "Inseminoid" to movies like "All of Me" in the space of three years simply boggles the mind. Only Kim Cattrall could boast of a similar seismic shift in cinematic priorities with her trek from "Porky's" to "Sex in the City," and that took nearly twenty years. If you tire of looking for Tennant, tide yourself over with the hysterical overacting from Judy Geeson's character. Bette Davis near the end of her career couldn't beat this energetic actress's hammy performance as the doomed Sandy. She shrieks, she cries, she bellows, she cackles, she plots--what a thespian! I alternated from saying things like "Oh, knock it off!" to general laughter as I watched Geeson emote herself into a tizzy. Yep, these two elements, combined with set pieces that looked like they were taken from a roller rink circa 1975 and the cheesy special effects make "Inseminoid" a worthwhile project for the dedicated film fan.

The DVD edition doesn't offer much in the way of extras. There's a grainy, unrestored trailer and that's about it. At least they offered us a widescreen picture transfer (why, I have no idea), which does look very nice. The audio sounds better than it should. "Inseminoid" is rumored to cause watering eyes, chronic fatigue syndrome, shingles, projectile nasal congestion, headaches, and a host of other annoying ailments to those who watch it more than once. So take my advice: rent the film, watch it once very quickly, and return it with all due haste to the video store. There's no sense causing yourself lingering harm by repeating the experience. February 21, 2004

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