Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)

Original Syn

"Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn" is one of the longest sci-fi movie titles ever... and it doesn't even describe the movie! "Metalstorm" was a popular video game back in the '80s,but this isn't based on it. And **SPOILER ALERT** Jared-Syn isn't destroyed.

"Metalstorm" is a Road Warrior knock-off,with Michael Preston (of no relation to Kelly) as the villainous Jared-Syn. He has stirred the Arabic-like Nomads against human settlers in a holy war, with his one-armed son Baal leading the charge. In one of their raids, they kill Kelly Preston's father with a hallucination. A seeker/ranger Dogen (named for the Japanese Buddhist teacher warrior poet) rescues Kelly,and goes on the quest to destroy Jared-Syn. On the way,he fights a sand snake, goes to an altar and finds a glass mask (that could double as a serving bowl), battles a Cyclops, and rallies the Nomads against Jared-Syn. In the end,Jared-Syn escapes into another dimension.

"Metalstorm" is a hilariously bad movie. There's a mishmash of religious ideas,with Baal (the ancient Hebrew god),Dogen,and holy war. The actor who plays Dogen emotes A LOT,and looks like he has a spray-on tan. Kelly Preston is preparing for her Battlefield Earth role,looking distraught with her bright blue eye shadow. "Metalstorm" would be perfect for Mystery Science Theater 3000. It's so bad it's good! July 26, 2008

Bring Metalstorm and Megaforce to DVD!!

Metalstorm, Megaforce, Ice Pirates and Spacehunter were all rented until the tapes melted in my VCR as a kid. Why aren't Metalstorm and Megaforce on DVD? There isn't even a way to vote for a release on Amazon! I can't get Vibes or the Pirates of Penzance with Kevin Kline either! My sisters and I loved those too. December 12, 2007

One of the worst science fiction films of all time!

Here's a funny and very true story:

In the 80's I sometimes found myself having to walk home from school. On my way home I would sometimes stop to rest at a bus stop and I would admire the movie posters that were displayed there. I can recall looking at the poster for "Metalstorm" more than a couple times and thinking "that MUST be an incredible film"! I was really into science fiction in those days and the movie poster for this film conjured up images of great SF adventures in my mind.

About a year later I was able to obtain the movie on RCA C.E.D. videodisc (remember the competing disc format to laserdisc?). Needless to say, within minutes all of those pleasant images in my mind were destroyed and replaced by the reality that this is a horrible disaster of a film! Honestly, the people giving this thing positive reviews are just playing a practical joke (or trying to sell an old copy of the VHS). This isn't a "so bad it's good" film, it's a nightmare that will make you cringe.

The movie was designed primarily as a 3-D gimmick and doesn't even have a plot to speak of. You'll be treated to first person perspective scenes of dirt roads being driven that seem to last forever. You'll get to see the "hero" walk into a town and it seems that he's walking for 5 minutes. This movie is about as bad as they come. You can't get much worse than Metalstorm!

Don't be fooled by the box art as I was all those years ago by that stinkin' movie poster! I cannot stress enough that this is one of the worst science fiction films of all time!

-JM August 23, 2006

Fun late-nighter needs DVD treatment!!!

Help get Metalstorm to DVD! Write Universal, or Anchor Bay, or Blue Underground, or anybody! This great late-nighter is definitely in need for the digital treatment! Look, they put Spacehunter and Cherry 2000 on DVD!! And this movie is much more entertaining than them! I love the cheesy, goofy ending where Jared Syn is sliding down the time whirlpool that looks like he is going to the Land of the Lost or something! On my waiting list for movies to come out on DVD, this is right up there with "Night of the Creeps." Buy it if you can find it! July 13, 2004

Worst sci-fi film ever!

The worst Science fiction I ever seen, so bad that it makes it good. February 18, 2004

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